You’re Not Going To Find Love If You Think You Don’t Deserve It


Someone asked me, “Why can’t we have the person we truly want?”

I told him, “We can. We just don’t believe it.”

The thing is, it is really possible that the person that we like or we’re in love with would reciprocate the feelings that we have for them. It’s just that, we get swallowed by fear and a lot of other factors that hinder us from being open to any possibility that could happen with the person that we like.

When we like a person, we immediately think highly of them, that they are someone so far high above us that we could never reach for and that we have no right to reach for. So what we do is to force this idea to ourselves that we could never have this person because it’s easier to reject ourselves first than another person, especially when that person is someone we admire so much.

We would think that they are too good for us. We would think that we don’t deserve them. We would think that they deserve better than us and that we are not worthy to be chosen by them.

This is the problem. Like what a character in the book Perks of Being a Wallflower said, “We accept the love we think we deserve”. So if we start to think that we deserve more than we think we do, maybe, just maybe we would entertain the idea that the person that we like or we’re in love with could love us back too.

But this is not as easy as it sounds.

Loving a person requires courage and bravery. If we choose to love this person, then what happens next shouldn’t matter so much anymore because our love for them would give us courage to face whatever comes our way, even if things wouldn’t work out, even if things wouldn’t last, even if things would never even be given a chance to begin. At least we tried. At least we were brave enough to see how far we could go, to see how much we could take, how much we could give and how much we could show the person how much we love them, because, loving is giving without asking anything in return.

This is what we forget. This is what we miss in our relationships now. We are so caught up with wanting to feel secured and assured that the person we love, loves us as much as we love them. We want to know for sure that they would not be the first one to leave.

We ask for this because we want to protect ourselves from being hurt and being taken advantage of, especially when we already experienced it in the past. I understand that, I’ve been through it too. But what I realized is that, it’s not about who loves more or who loves less in a relationship. It is about who loves courageously and fearlessly, because in this way, we become free.

Free from those thoughts that we are not loveable. That we are not enough to be chosen. That we don’t deserve love from someone whom we see as our universe, from someone who makes us feel better and more alive.

So what I can say is that, if you feel so much for a person, then go ahead and try. There’s no wrong in trying as long as it’s thought about properly and appropriately. Don’t let yourself miss a chance and then regret that you didn’t grab it while you had it, or that you didn’t make a way and you just let the person slipped away. You owe it to yourself to have someone who makes you want to wake up in the morning and makes you appreciate the little things.

You deserve it. Believe me. You do. This what I tell myself too.