You’re Not Ghosting, You’re Just An Asshole


Just as fleek and bae have become part of our modern day language, so has the term ghosting.

Urban Dictionary defines ghosting as:

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.

Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

If you’d like a shorter definition of ghosting, then here it is: You are an asshole.

That’s it! Bottom line. We have all done it and we will all continue to do it regardless of how many times it happens in our dating lives. We are all assholes!

The whole idea of ghosting should just make like its definition and disappear, but sadly, it doesn’t seem like it’s going away anytime soon. And since we’re stuck with it, we need to acknowledge it. So, in case you ever need to call someone (or yourself) out…

Here Are The Four Levels Of Ghosting:

1. The Tinderella Sneak Away

As you sit on the couch, your focus is half on Real Housewives, half on the screen in front of you. Swipe left. Swipe left. Suddenly, your finger makes an abrupt stop and you fixate on the handsome man’s face that smiles back at you. As you browse through more pictures, you consider it a win and swipe right. It’s a match!

You talk for hours, which turns into days, and you find yourself sending him pictures of your lunch. You stalk him on Facebook and find his LinkedIn picture. Ah, a tie with penguins on it! Handsome. And then, as you come off you “Tinder Match High,” you realize that this man really isn’t your type at all.

What was once an innocent exchange of words has now become a real-life thing. This guy actually wants to meet face-to-face, and you do not. You “unmatch” him as quickly as you can and sit there. Still on the couch. Still watching Housewives. And just like that, you go back to swiping without the slightest care in the world. Meanwhile, homeboy is on his knees screaming “WHY!” to the Tinder Gods.

2. The One-Date Phantom

You finally got to the point where you want to spend face-to-face time with someone. You found them to be more appealing than getting into pajamas and binge-watching your favorite TV show. The date goes well. You enjoy his/her company and even get a “that was really nice, we should do that again” text from them afterwards. For a moment, you feel like this might finally be different than the failed attempts before! Then, you send them a text. Any text. But hours turn to days, and their Snapchat story shows that they are indeed alive and well. Why couldn’t they just tell me that they weren’t into me? Oh, right, that would make them a decent human being.

3. The Relationship-Defining Pussy

I will use an anecdote to describe this particular ghosting persona. I recently reconnected with someone from high school – and we both really hit it off. So much so that we spent an entire weekend together, I met his family at a wedding, and I flew out to visit him in California. We FaceTimed frequently, texted hours upon hours, and shared how our feelings were growing for each other. I even had a customized text tone for him. Come on!

Then, things suddenly felt odd, and out of place. I received a text from his that said, in summation, as much as he liked me and had feelings for me, he felt like it was becoming a full-on relationship. He let me know that it was okay if I came out to visit him, but he didn’t want a label. Aw, how convenient! We haven’t talked since.

4. The Social Media Savage

This person is the one you follow on all social media platforms whom has ghosted you before in one way or another. You see all of their posts. You watch their 60-second Snapchat story from that concert yesterday. You scroll past their shitty skyline Instagram picture. You don’t have a relationship with this person anymore, but their life still seems to haunt you. It’s time to grow a pair and delete them once and for all. This will save you hours of unhealthy stalk-sessions and *gasp!* “liking” their picture from six weeks ago.