You Were My Borrowed Sanctuary


I need time to collect all my memories of you and me. I’m hoping that somehow it will help me to understand why I stay up so late, why thoughts of you always haunt my mind. Maybe somehow I can piece together why you now ignore me, and why we ended up being strangers again.

It was you who brought the sunshine to my gloomy afternoons. That’s something I’ll never forget. It was such a simple moment; I let you sit beside me because there weren’t any vacant tables around us. From the way you smiled to the way you said, ‘Hi,’ I already felt the connection. There were unicorns and stars and singing birds around us. I was caught off-guard. I was so scared to introduce you to my lonely soul because talking to someone I don’t know personally scares me.

But you made it easier for me… You simply smiled and everything went colorful.

Please don’t devour me. Please don’t break my concrete wall that I have built this for hundreds of years to protect me from heartbreaks and heartaches. Don’t even try to touch me, I might self-destruct. I might fall. These are the fears I whispered to myself. But it was too late.

I had already fallen in love.

Like an avalanche, once it starts rolling down, no one can stop it. You broke my walls without doing anything. This wall was made of pure tears and pain and sorrow from the past. It was built to protect me. Did it protect me?

I fell…
Without asking
Without thinking of the past lessons I’ve learned
Without having a second thought
Without doubt and without fear

Because in your eyes I saw the honesty and purity of your heart. In your words, I felt the stars. In your smile, I was lost. In your touch, I felt wanted. In your voice, I had chills of happiness. And in your warm hug, I felt valued.

And so I lost all past pain.

But you were temporary. I was temporary to you.

You were my borrowed sanctuary. You decided to cut the connection we had. You decided to disappear.

And from the day you walked away, I’ve started to build those walls again. This time with even more reasons to make them stronger.

The more I try to understand you, understand why you left, the more pain it brings me. I can stay up all night and never find the answers, never ease my mind and hear. Maybe there wasn’t any reason. Maybe you just didn’t want to continue making dreams with me. Maybe that’s just who you are. Maybe I should let you go.