You Never Wanted To Listen So I Am Done Talking


Me and you, we got lost in a desert
Our roads diverged among the cracked, dry land
Both of us moving at the speed of light it seemed, sparks trailing behind our heels
By the time I turned back to see if you were with me
I saw the emptiness stretch out far into the horizon under the scorching hot sun

You appeared so small on the landscape
That an ant would have appeared to be a giant
You had gotten too far, and my squinting eyes struggled against the sunrays, Even with my hand cupped on my forehead like a personal awning
I tried shouting at the top of my lungs, driven by the fear of losing you
I shouted for you to get closer, to come onto my path
I shouted about the food I had and the fresh water
I screamed about how the air seemed clearer here, by me

You seemed convinced at first
Your shadow growing slightly larger
But then all I heard were your faint excuses
About how great the distance was and how much effort it would take to overcome
How other people could possibly have the same food, same water
Maybe in greater quantities if you continued your way
How seeking other people could be better for you than settling for me
You said how you could see a dark cloud hovering over my head and how you feared the lightening that came with it

As a last ditch effort
I admitted that I loved you
I proclaimed that I could love you for the rest of my life
That I would try to do it to the best of my ability
That my love would become our oasis
It would give us enough water to drink and enough food to eat
It would create a haven for us that other loves could never touch
I thought this would be the key to make you listen

But you had already turned away
The emanating heat from the ground made your figure even hazier,
And the speck you already were began shrinking even more
I walked onward in my own direction
My hands, too tired from reaching for you
My legs, fatigued from standing and waiting for you
My heart, too heavy with the loss of you
And worst of all, my voice, so hoarse from yelling to you

I met couples that I couldn’t converse with
I had lost my sound, my own tool for influence, among the mess
I sat before them,
Baffled as they moved with ease, loved with reckless abandon, spoke with vigor
I meekly inquired, “How could this be? How is this love?”
One of them told me that the voice should never grow hoarse with the right person
With the right person, you’ll want to shout about your love from the rooftops, you’ll want to fight hard if you feel them slipping away
But you’ll never need to
In either situation, the outcome is the same
You can ever so slightly turn your face
And whisper everything you need to into their ear
Every time, every day

So, I nursed my voice back to health
Speaking only to those willing to listen, to lend me their ears openly
I laid down my armor
Because a fight for you was something I never should have started
I never should have shouted or yelled or pleaded for you to love me back
Because it was like asking the deaf to describe how beautiful it is to hear ocean waves crashing onto the shore
You were never meant to hear the sounds of my soul
Or the stories crammed into my brain
So as I said my final farewell to your memory,
And my fingernails had stopped bleeding from scrubbing myself clean of you
I decided
I am finally ready to be heard
I am finally ready to whisper