You Don’t Need Cuffing Season


New pillows, freshly woven throws, Bath & Body Works candles, and a new Apple TV have been purchased. You see the leaves falling on the grass of your town’s beautiful homes, schools and parks. Fall must be in full tow.

But there’s another season rising from the depths of the sea. “Cuffing Season” has been on the scene for many years. When I was a freshman in college way back in 2003, we knew that as the ground got colder, dorms got warmer.

Every year around this time, Cuffing Season is mentioned as the hope for the hapless soul wishing for romance. Let me be clear: being lonely for too long can make you question a lot of things. I want to provide a fresh take on this season and why it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

The main reason many people young or tenured in age get excited about “cuffing someone” is the sexual opportunities. When you visit someone on a crisp cold evening that includes seasonal dinner (chili, hearty meals, warm pie) followed by a movie filled with either drama or comedy, you’re bound to let the magnetic pull of his arm find its way around your neck.

Eventually, you reach for the blanket as you get sleepier, and then feel a sense of empathy for sending him home in the cold. It’s not far-fetched to blame all this sex on cold weather. But in the end, when the ice melts and the grass turn to its green hue, Cuffing Season ends. Did your feelings?

Of course not! You’re a human with a spirit and meant for Mary J Blige’s “Real Love.” You may have understood the potential consequences of Cuffing Season early on. Maybe you thought he/she would embrace you in this time. Conversations about your childhood, stress at work, Christmas gifts, and ,”Will you be my Valentine?” were all moments of hope and connection.

My solution is a call for people to abandon this season altogether. Turn it on its head, break dance style. My proposition to you is that you spend the months of cold and snow hibernating. Bears hibernate because resources are low, so they use this time for rest.

Use this season to rest your mind, heart and emotions. Remember, the summer for many was a time of fast-paced parties, vacations and festivals. You loved, laughed, and dated new people for months. Yet, as the leaves fall away so do the summer flings.

Aim to find out more about who you are. Cuffing Season uses up so much time hoping your panties, bra, and what’s in the Calvin Kleins will guarantee love. Nothing physical has ever guaranteed love.

Your girlfriends do the routine each and every year. They get dressed on Friday night at about 11:30 PM, decide on the location for the night and whose car has the most room or gas. They head to the bar to only dance in a circle with each other for the first hour to remind the surrounding men of their exclusivity.

Eventually, they allow the final half hour to focus on one gentleman who, based on his swagger, polished Cole Haan shoes, and drink selection seems appropriate. The journey leaving the club is filled with mystique. To continue at your place or let the night end is the question.

Many stories have been written that depict the man or the woman tiptoeing out of the apartment or home the following morning. For some reason shame only settles in the day after being naked with a complete stranger. Amber Rose made a video proclaiming women to own their right to the morning after “Shame Walk.” Freedom and vulnerability will forever be championed in the 21st century.

My question to you is simple nevertheless: Do you want hang this championship banner of a one-night stand in your heart and home any longer? Is there more to sharing your body than fun? The same body you critique in the gym, mirror and doctor’s office? Exchanging our bodies for love is a sell to the lowest bidder.

Cuffing Season is a farce and I hope you tell this to your friends next Friday night: “I’m hibernating. There’s nothing out there for me but people wanting to devour me. I choose to rest up alone and prepare to hunt when the weather gets out of its frigid mood.”

Plus, you look better in the summer with that golden tan.