Almost relationships are branded with a lot of negativity and heartbreak. It’s for good reason. If you have ever been in one, you understand why.
You develop these strong feelings for another person and you continue to pursue them but never with a title. You are stuck with questions and you never get the answers you deserve. One day you wake up and realize all the time and energy that you have spent on this relationship. Then it hits you, it is never going to work.
It is at this point when reality sets in and you realize it is time to move on.
Typically, your first reaction is sadness and the feeling of being hurt. Then you quickly move into the anger phase and from there you associate that person with anger or sadness.
With all that being said, what if I told you that you should actually thank your almost relationship? I know, it sounds insane. Nonetheless, it is the truth. While you are in that place of the unknown, you figure out exactly what you are looking for. You learn things that you would never learn if you had not been on the roller coaster of love and hate.
My “almost relationship” lasted for a little under two years. It was a bunch of ups and downs. I laugh now because whenever I go through my Timehop app, I am reminded of all the emotions I felt. According to this morning’s session with the Timehop dinosaur, one year ago today, I was insecure and miserable.
So what is there to thank this relationship for? You find your breaking points.
Some things you will accept and others you will not. Use this relationship to figure out your needs and wants. Find the things you can deal with and always remember what your deal breakers are. I know this helped me realize what I was and was not willing to put up with. I was able to realize the things I would need from somebody if I was ever to seriously date them. I learned what I could compromise on and what was never to be tolerated. This in essence helped me build a strong foundation for when I find the right guy.
You learn how to communicate. You will find yourself in a position where you just want answers. You are sick of waiting, sick of guessing and even more sick of pretending. That is when you will realize that finally saying something and communicating is the best way to go.
For me it was a little unexpected. I was getting ready for bed and obsessing over the usual when I just decided I was done. I called him right then and there, in my towel and word vomited my feelings about it all. I had realized at that point just how broken we both were, but from that point forward, I refused to keep my mouth shut. Something that to this day he still respects.
You experience some amazing feelings.
I’ll be the first to admit that not all feelings in these relationships are good. They make you feel exhausted, depressed, worthless and sometimes just straight up bitter. If you think back a little harder, you will remember all the butterflies he gave you and the times he made you smile for days at a time.
Before I had met my almost relationship, I was convinced I would be alone for the rest of my life. Not because I felt like nobody would want me, but because the guys I did meet did not appeal to me on a serious dating level. Then, out of nowhere, he walked into my life and I was done for. I remember the day, the time, the outfit we were both wearing. Yes, looking back we were destined to fail.
However, we both awakened something in each other that we didn’t realize was there. Which makes me think, if loving the wrong person could at times make you feel that good, imagine what loving the right person would be like. It has made you stronger.
We have all found ourselves seeking attention for approval. It’s human nature. Then to top it off you tend to lose yourself in trying to force your relationship to work. That’s when you decide it’s time to put yourself first again. Allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable to another human being is courageous but deciding when to walk away is strength we don’t know we have until we use it.
So learn from your almost relationships and be happy they are done. Just remember what it taught you and where you are today because of it. Show grace and carry on like the bad ass you are.