I’ve been hearing the same questions so many times from different people, “Hey! Why are you still single? “Why don’t you fall in love?” I thought about it so much and now I think I finally found the best answers.
I was sixteen when I first fell in love, He was this boy in our class who was always every teacher’s cause of headache, but managed to make me feel like I was the prettiest girl in class. He wasn’t like every teenage girl’s dream guy, not like the perfect prince charming that we always see on a Disney movie, thick glasses, not “so-cool” get ups, and the corniest jokes I’ve heard during that time, but somehow made my heart skip a beat and made me fall in love for the first time. I’ve had a lot of “first times” with him; “the first time I held hands with a guy and made me feel like there are a lot of butterflies in my stomach and are ready to break fee and fly anytime, “first time spending hours on the phone talking about nonsense things and sometimes we ran out of topics to talk about”, “the first time I said I love you and made me feel like I was on cloud nine”, “my first kiss” and “my very first heartbreak”. We were young and the world still had a lot of things for us to go through and discover, and so I decided to let go of him.
The second time I fell in love was with the same guy, I was already twenty years old that time, we were older, so I decided to make it up to him and give us a second try. But, it was a huge “flop”, things didn’t work out, and we were doing worse than the first time we were together, and so we decided to end it again like out first try.
The last time I fell in love was three years ago, he was also a guy from high school, I remember us being so close like he was my secret guy best friend during that time. I thought maybe this time things will work and I will finally have my greatest love story, because now I am falling in love as an adult and we were both matured enough to make things work. But I was wrong, distance plus lack of time for each other ruined my pictured happily ever after.
Today I’m 26 years old, and my friends are starting to get engaged, some of them are actually already married and are enjoying their life with their own families. And so now when someone asks me why I don’t fall in love, here is my answer. Of course, I do fall in love, it’s just that the words “love” has a lot of different definitions and so I can’t give you exactly if which one of them is for me. I found good love at the wrong time, I found bad love at the right time, so now I don’t know which one it is that I prefer. Maybe love has this exact route that I can’t change, maybe the man that I loved and I won’t even make it at the end. I know what I have lost and the things that I missed when I was with them. Which is why the question of love doesn’t just touch a nerve, but it awakens my entire system.
However, I realized that one day I’ll find love and there are a lot of possibilities, I might find love tomorrow or maybe I still have more years to happily spend on my own.
Maybe I just have to trust in fate, and so now I want to let everyone know that I prefer to wait.