When I Wanted To Text You, But Couldn’t


I wanted to text you last night.

I wanted to tell you something, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to take it if you didn’t respond back.

One of the saddest things about wanting to text you and fighting that urge was knowing that the only reason I could fight the urge was because I knew you probably wouldn’t care enough to respond.

A year ago, I would have just let myself text you and I would have been waiting by my phone waiting for the response. But, I have been burnt too many times by you to know that if I asked you to keep my family member in your prayers you wouldn’t.

I’m tired of being the person who has to communicate with you first. If you really cared about me, you would respond to my messages and I wouldn’t always have to be the one who messages you first to never get a response in the end.

You were the first guy I ever really felt like I could open up to and for a while, up until I told you I liked you as more than a friend. It just hurts know that before the moment I told you my feelings, we would talk into the night time.

Now when I message you I don’t expect a response. It’s sad if you think about it. Someone who was once a person you thought you could tell just about anything to suddenly stops responding to messages, almost like you never existed in their life.

But I can’t control what you do. However, I do have control in how I choose to react and how I choose to move forward with our one-sided relationship and last night was the first step.

I fought the urge to text you which in the past I would have never done. I would have ignored my first instinct and just texted you even though I knew exactly what the outcome would have been.

I fought the urge to text you and that’s the first step to not caring that you don’t care enough about me to take a few moments to respond back.

And if you do care about me, you have a poor way of showing me.

Maybe just maybe me not texting you last night is a step forward in finally being able to let go of you.

My friends tell me to delete your number, remove you off social media and while I think they have valid points I also don’t think I’m ready just yet to delete you completely from my life. But what I do know is that I’m ready to have feelings for someone else.

I’m ready to move one, you see there is this new guy in my life. He makes me smile just as widely as you once did, and he actually makes me feel like I’m important to him and he does one thing right, he responds back when I text him. He doesn’t make me wait around for a text that I know I’ll never get but secretly want. He is everything you never were and that’s the most amazing part. Maybe just maybe this guy will make me delete you from my life completely because he actually acts like I exist and that I’m an important part of his life.