We’re So Fixated On Weddings, We Forget About The Actual Marriage


Every little girl has her perfect vision of her ideal wedding day. From the cut of her wedding dress, to the color of the flowers, to the flavor of the cake, almost every little detail has been thought of and accounted for. When the little girl grows up, she can create a Pinterest account and pin her favorite pictures of beautiful receptions, color schemes, flower arrangements, bridesmaid dresses. The list goes on. Then, after her perfect wedding day, she will live happily ever after, right? Maybe! Hopefully!

Maybe not.

I would be lying if I said I was never one of those starry eyed little girls that day dreamed about her wedding day. I am not married and I do not plan to be until the thought of settling down and committing to “forever” does not scare me to death. However, I have day-dreamed about the Big Day. It’s perfectly normal to be excited for your future wedding day! The planning, the excitement, the anticipation; everything is fantastic. It’s a perfect opportunity to celebrate two people in love.

The problem is when the importance of the wedding day is greater than the actual marriage. A beautiful venue and a gorgeous dress are both great, yes. But what about when the reception ends? What happens when the excitement revolving around the wedding suddenly ends and the bride and groom go about their normal, married lives as husband and wife? This isn’t to say that all women who plan fantastic weddings are only concerned about the wedding, rather than the marriage. However, it is a trend I have observed in the recent years.

In a David’s Bridal commercial that was recently released, the groom is standing at the end of the altar, narrating the scene playing out in front of him. He refers to himself as the “invisible man” and he goes on to say that the main focus at every wedding is on the bride and her dress. Personally, I fee bad for the poor guy. He’s portrayed as an insignificant placement holder in the bride’s picturesque dream wedding. What about his vows? What about what he is committing to? Sadly, I don’t think this portrayal is far off from the truth for a lot of people. A wedding should be a celebration of a happy future for the couple, not just a celebration of the bride’s personal style. As for me, I would be happy getting married in a paper bag as long as I’m marrying the man I’m head over heels for.

Society continuously portrays a wedding as just that: a wedding. A one-day ordeal filled with pretty dresses and champagne toasts that ends after the reception, rather than the first day of the rest of your life with your spouse. It’s okay to get married when you’re young; it’s okay to get married when you’re older. It’s okay to have a big wedding; it’s okay to have a small wedding. Your wedding day should be important because it is the day you commit yourself to another person for the rest of your life. But I beg you, don’t get too wrapped up in the color of high heels, the flavor of the cake, or any other detail that won’t matter the day after your wedding.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Laugh it off when the DJ at the reception plays Cupid Shuffle after you told him one hundred times not to. Don’t get too upset if the flower girl walks way too slowly down the isle. I am no expert on the topic, but I think that when the day comes, you should aim your focus on the new life you are about to create with the man you love, rather than on the materialistic components that the day brings.

featured image – MIL FM Elizabeth Alexander