To The Person I Never Thought I Would Lose
By Leoh Mario
To the person I never thought I’d lose, I’m really sorry that it did not turn out the way we wanted it to be (or us to be). I’m really sorry if I gave up on you that easily.
I apologize for the hurt I have caused you, for all the times we wasted on fights and pointless arguments, that led us to eventually ending our relationship.
To you, the person I have loved, I don’t think it is possible to unlove you, for what we shared is extraordinary. All of the odds were against us, but we still fought to be together.
We pictured, and drew how we wanted our forever together, but instead of making them come true, we decided to shred them into pieces.
The one I loved, whom I thought of marrying someday, whom I wanted to have kids with, and the person I used to imagine sharing the front porch view with, I never expected that I would lose you in this lifetime.
I wish we had the chance to talk it out. But we opted to walk out that door without looking back again – you did not want to hear my explanation, you did not want to see my face. I tried apologizing so many times. I tried to pick up where we left off. I attempted to fix that broken glass door, but you slammed it in my face and I was wounded every time it shattered.
I no longer know what moving forward is, for years I tried, at least I think I did. I added every brick, every day, around my heart, to protect it from hurt. And with those bricks, I was able to build walls too high that my heart could not escape. I felt safe inside the hollow it provided. And then one day, it collapsed on me. It collapsed on me that all of the hard work I exerted to protect this beating heart inside was just, gone. It collapsed on me just like the glass door of trust I tried to stick together. It fell on me as memories I thought I have forgotten.
It was worse than dying. But fate wanted me to suffer so I lived.
To that person I used to call mine, I do not know how and when I could really say I have moved on. For I am still staying in a relationship that ended a long time ago. But this stupid heart will always have a place for you, that one person I have loved without condition.