To The One Who Broke My Walls And Instantly Rebuilt Them


I was careful this time around. My walls were high after being let down time after time. I made sure to protect myself, but one text from you made me feel safe, I should’ve listened to my instincts.

We met one night at a bar and were talking the whole time; you never made a move and seemed genuinely interested in the conversation. I even bought you a drink. We left together. I had my walls up so high that I hadn’t slept with a guy in 10 months. I figured you seemed nice and it would just be fun for the night. And it was.

The next morning you asked for my number, then immediately looked at my neck and started cracking up. You had gone full vampire. I couldn’t leave the house without makeup on those hickies. I texted you that and we had a laugh about it for the day after and then for the next few days I didn’t hear from you again. I thought that was the last of it.

Our hookup was on a Thursday night, I unexpectedly heard from you the following Tuesday when I was out with my friends. We spoke the whole night. The next day you added me on SnapChat; we instantly became each other’s best friends. The following weeks during our winter break we spoke every day, most nights staying up until 2 am, daring the other to fall asleep first. I usually lost which you would tease me about.

When we got back to school, you came over to help me unpack and ended up staying over, just talking for five hours. You kissed me around hour four, and told me that you enjoyed kissing me too much. I should’ve immediately taken that as a sign you were going to hurt me, just like the rest of them.

The Saturday night after we hung out, we were at different parties, you at a house party, and I in the city. We couldn’t stop talking to each other. You insisted to tell me it was safe to allow my walls to drop. And I let them drop a little bit. The next night you came over for another five hours, this time we ended up sleeping together. The walls came crashing down. You couldn’t stay over, which was fine, but again wouldn’t let me go and said again that you liked kissing me too much. Finally, we dragged ourselves downstairs you kissed me good-bye; I didn’t know that was going to be the last time.

Throughout the week you continued to SnapChat and text me every day, good signs I thought. We kept trying to see each other, but our schedules didn’t line up. That weekend I figured we were going to try again, I guess not. We ran into each other on campus Friday, I didn’t get so much as a hug or proper hello. For all I knew you were shy in front of my two friends, but I again should’ve known better. I didn’t get a SnapChat or text the rest of the day or the next.

Sunday we saw each other at a party, where you completely ignored me. I can take a hint, but that doesn’t make it easier. I had my walls high for you, and you lied that it was safe. Because of you I don’t know if I’ll feel safe again.