I admit it. It scared me to move on. I was afraid to let go of the person who made me feel like the most amazing person in the world, like I was important, that I could actually become someone’s happiness. I was terrified to say good bye and accept the fact that this is the farthest that we can go. I didn’t know what to do. I ran out of excuses to tell my friends why I can’t seem to forget about you. I made myself believe that I was just getting over you at my own pace, taking things slow and one at a time. I made myself think that you were the one ruining me but in all honesty, I was a contributing factor to the pain that I was feeling because I was too stupid to let myself set me free from you and all of the memories that haunt me.
I was mortified with the idea of living life without you being my source of happiness and love. I made myself believe that I was not at all prepared to move on from what happened between me and you.
I thought that I was never going to get out of this, that this is how I will be forever. But I then realized that I was just too naive and blinded to see that there are people around me who are actually willing to help me get away from this situation because all this time I always thought that they are just pushing me to let you go because they were simply tired of hearing me go on for hours about how painful it is just to see you. I never saw it like they really wanted to help me. And when I actually let them, I then realized that there are still people out there who will not give up on someone like me, who will make me feel important, make me feel loved, make you feel like you are not alone in this world. There are still people who are willing to give time to listen to your problems and stick with you until you get where you need to go and will stay with you even after that.
Because of this, I am no longer scared. I am no longer terrified of being alone because I know I won’t be. I know that there are people that will stay with me and not give up on me even when I am a huge mess and there are people who will help me see what I am capable of and how beautiful I am inside and outside. There are people who will help build up my confidence until I get back on my feet and take a ‘try again’ card and move on with my life without you. I am thankful for those people because now, I’ve let you go. I am walking again and I am waking up every morning for myself, my family, and those people–my friends. I don’t need you anymore to make me feel wanted, important, and beautiful because deep down, I know in myself that I am all that even if people like you don’t see it. I laugh at the idea that you were once the only reason for my happiness. Well, now look at me. I am smiling and I am happy and it’s not because of you anymore. It’s because I have learned to accept that you are the negativity in my life and that I needed to let you go because you are no longer good for me. And I feel bad for you. I feel bad that you weren’t able to see how wonderful I am because I honestly gave you the best of me. Well, too bad for you because never again will I show you that side of me because you had your chance and you blew it.
But, aside all the things that happened between us, I want to say THANK YOU. Because without you and the pain you have brought to me, I wouldn’t see the things that are important to me. The things that I never really want to lose in my life, the ones who I will not neglect just like how you did to me. And most important of all, you made me realize that there is still beauty and light and hope left inside me and that I could do things without you being my source of will and strength and realize that I can be happy. I am happy.