To The Married Man Who Keeps Pursuing Other Women


Dear Someone’s Husband,

To the men in my inbox, the ones who are married, in a relationship, situation-ship… whatever the case may be. To the men, who, for all intents and purposes, are TAKEN, this is to you.

Ladies, I’m sure we all have a few of these men in our DMs. The ones who play nice and approach you on the sweetest of terms. They appear to be respectful and to have everything going for them. You stupidly begin thinking, “Wow, maybe we can have something.” Until, the proverbial plane spirals to a fiery ball of death. Yup, that seems about right. And with that fiery ball of disaster, you see all your single woman hopes and dreams go up in flames, right before your very eyes.

I know, I’ve been there. We’ve ALL been there. The heart-wrenching moment when you realize Prince Charming was nothing but a dirty old toad.

There’s this quote from the late, great Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Let me tell you a story…

I was busy minding my business as usual, when this guy I knew popped up (Mr. Shady). Now, I’d recently posted a new picture. We know how it goes, every man jack crawls out the woodwork when you post a new picture. The “Hey stranger” messages start rolling in. Anyway, we started chatting. Casual conversation, nothing to scream about. I was never particularly interested in him so, the conversations have always been kept at a plutonic level. He started raving over how long he’d wanted to work with me on a project, et cetera. I listened attentively, not expecting it to take the turn it did…

We planned to meet up, hang out and discuss the upcoming project. Of course, I thought nothing of it. He picked me up, we went for some drinks and started bouncing ideas off of each other. Nothing suspicious right? EXACTLY, but my intuition was yelling at me that something may be amiss yet I ignored her. (That bitch can be paranoid.)

We left the lounge and was on our way home when he told me he had a quick detour to make to collect his kid. Again, nothing seemed to be too suspicious about that. We picked the kid up and carried on, on our journey. I was introduced as “Aunty ___”, perfectly normal in our culture, a sign of respect of sorts.(for my foreign readers). He explained to me that he needed to take the kid home for a slumber party. Now, at this point, I’m like why not just take me home and then go do your family stuff.. He says, “well I still wanted to hang out..” (I rolled my eyes so hard, I’m surprised they’re still in their sockets.)

HERE, was the red flag the paranoid bitch was warning me about.

He ignored my suggestion and assured me it would only take a few minutes. I obliged, against my better judgment of course. He then suggested that we hang at his place for a little while. At this point, I’m a little curious to see where he’s going with this, having already alerted my friends of the situation in the event that I needed a rescue squad to swoop in. Anyway, he eventually made his move, which I swerved with expert level accuracy. I promptly asked to leave.

He dragged his feet but we eventually left (Shady is as Shady does.)

Two days later, while scrolling through my news feed… WEDDING PICTURES.

Mr. Shady had tried to use me as his, “Bachelor Party”.

Recently, I’ve been noticing that a lot of men have lost a great deal of respect for the women around them. I can’t help but wonder what may be causing this. It would be easy to blame pop culture and the way queens are being portrayed or allowing themselves to be portrayed but I think the problem stems from deeper roots. It’s disheartening to say the least. I’ve even
hypothesized that it may have something to do with the family structure and how we’re all being raised.

I constantly have to remind myself that, if there are good women (like me), then there must be good men (right?). I believe that life is all about balance. However, with the way things have been going in ‘singleville’, I can’t say I haven’t lost a little hope.

When did marriage become another thing to be disregarded and trivialized? Both sexes are doing it, and it’s distasteful. Is nothing sacred anymore? Am I giving off the vibe that I want to be a sidechick? What did I do to amass all this bad karma? Marriage isn’t an accomplishment, but it sure as hell should mean something to you, especially if you decide to be a willing participant in one. We need to bring respect back. Let’s make RESPECT great again.

If you don’t respect me, at least respect the woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with. She deserves better.

Ultimately, it all boils down to gratitude and respect. Life is centered around those two things. If you are grateful for what you have, you would not need to seek external gratification. You would not need to approach me to try to fulfill whatever need you think you have because you will be thoroughly appreciative of where you are.

I’m thankful for all my experiences. It continues to define what I want and don’t want in a relationship. This particular experience has taught me, to ALWAYS listen to my intuition, she may be a little paranoid, but she’s also never wrong. Sadly, even after he was married, he still continued to approach me (Block and Delete isn’t just an Alkaline song…)

Sir, I do not want you.

I’ve never been fond of other people’s property. I’m a last child. I’m selfish and love to have my own way. I am a brat, and brats don’t do hand-me-downs.

Kindly keep it moving. Never accept less than you deserve. What you accept is what you will continuously be given.

Keep your head up queens, you don’t need a king to run your kingdom anyway… (think Cleopatra)

Keep acting like a QUEEN, a KING will find you.