Dating is fun as a twenty-something in 2016, isn’t it?
All you hear about is either A.)someone else just got engaged or B.) how impossible it is to date in 2016 because “technology/social media/tinder/blah blah blah” ruined it for everyone.
And…usually I can empathize with the part B-ers of the world. Yeah, social media and the rapid advances in technology aka smartphones aka iPhones (oh, you still have an android…? jokes) have changed things up a little bit, but can you fully blame all of the dating woes on that?
In short: no. There are so many things that go into “officially” dating someone. Things that you just can’t solely blame on the wonderful world of tinder. Also, here’s a thought: why do you care if someone’s your boyfriend/girlfriend? Why does that even remotely matter? Are you having fun? Great. Do they make you laugh? Fantastic! Respect you and your differences of opinions? Per.Fec.Tion.
So what’s the problem?
Society’s the problem. Your friend who lives in the stone age of “you’re either together or you’re wasting your time and the feelings aren’t reciprocated and you look dumb” is the problem.
It’s come to my attention that dating in your twenties should be fun. It shouldn’t be a “let’s get tied down from the get-go” sort of thing. It’s not something that needs to be rushed into, because lets face it: as much fun as you should be having in the dating scene (and all scenes, for that matter), you should also be taking it a little more seriously than your high school or college self did. People are getting engaged/married/ having kids/etc. because we’re at that age where yeah, people do mature. People do settle down. The guy who was doing 15 keg stands a night and pouring tequila into that girls belly button is now a corporate hot shot with a wife and 2 kids. Things change as you get older, and that’s OK.
Just…have fun, but realize people aren’t taking things to next levels because as fun as casual dating is, it’s also terrifying, too. You know you’ve thought about where you’re going to be 2 years from now. You know that your bigger picture includes (at some point) settling down with one singular human for the rest of your forever, and that’s not something to take lightly. That’s not something to waste 6 months of your life tied down to that guy you met at the bar that you *swore* you knew like the back of your hand, yet he’s actually a total narcissistic douche that deserves none of your energy.
Why sweat the little details when there’s so much to live for outside of dating? Why waste your twenties on the what haves and could have beens, because that’s a great way to stay salty, in denial, and off the market. Yeah, off the market. Why? Because vibes don’t lie, that’s why.
But, for the sake of a well-rounded discussion on the topic…let’s explore a little further.
As we’ve covered, casual dating is a major part of the twenty-something era in your life. It’s a crazy, bittersweet, sometimes frustrating and confusing, but ultimately carefree and charming time in your life. You’re having fun, and you may even have someone you share a mutual bond and affinity for one another with. All is well.
But when is the breaking point? When is casual too casual?
How do you differentiate the real from the bullshit? The long-term vs. the momentary lust? When you’re on the inside, it’s hard to see what others see. It’s hard to take yourself out of that headspace and get into a serious one. But when you do—and you will—take what you’re asking yourself seriously.
Why isn’t this legit yet?
How come there’s no real commitment here?
Am I single and free to date?
What are we?
What the hell am I doing?
What the hell are we doing?
Why the hell are we doing this?
This is terrifying and I want to tap out.
Whether you’re in your twenties now or were 20 years ago, I’m sure this struggle is the same. Technology doesn’t create or solve any of these thoughts. We’re human, and curious by nature. We have questions and opinions and feelings that we’re entitled to. One’s that should be taken seriously. One’s that should be respected.
But how’s the other person supposed to know where your heads at if you’re both too scared to talk about it? Why is the real shit so terrifying?
It feels like walking through the fire, but honestly…it’s just a conversation. Or maybe it’s several conversations that lead up to a pivotal moment in your mind, in your non-relationship relationship, and in your life. Checking in when your head’s weighing you down isn’t a bad thing.
If they want more and you’re not ready; say it. If you want more and they’re not ready; say it. You can say one thing and feel differently in 3 days. That’s allowed. You’re allowed to be in denial of what you want, but only for so long. Every relationship—even friendships—can hit a fork in the road where you either jump ship or tread it out.
If it’s worth it to you; then tread. Absolutely tread. Patience isn’t having the ability to wait, it’s your attitude while waiting. Sometimes things need to feel themselves out without us interfering. Sometimes we need to get our heads out of our hearts and just let it flow.
But if you’re in a position where something or someone is no longer serving a positive purpose and place in your life; that’s when you need to re-evaluate. That’s when you should start being concerned. Not because your friend thinks you have to be in a legitimate full-blown relationship for it to be of value in your life.
That’s crap and you should know that. Ultimately, do whatever makes your soul happy. If your soul is happy, your energy will be positive and the vibes will follow. Get your head right so everything else can align. But if you’re holding back from taking the plunge in any way, shape or form due to fear of the unknown…it’s time to jump.
The time will never be perfect. But if your life is better off with that human in it, you need to let them know. You need to make some moves. You need to share your intention, every detail and terrifyingly vulnerable aspect of it because beautiful things happen when you let go of fear and jump anyway.
Be happy. Live free. Chase the light. Take. The. Plunge.