I’m not saying I’ll wait for you or not give someone else a chance to love me or myself to love someone else. I’m not saying that I’ll be jealous of that someone who’s going to love you, who’s going to hold your hand when the going gets tough and whom you’re going to love back.
What I’m trying to say is that, I will still love you in spite of knowing you won’t love me back, in spite of you not been present in my life, but will be somewhere out there living your own love story.
I know there’s no other way for me than to keep loving you because loving you has been an honor for me, an opportunity to better myself as a human being. Loving you has taught me that I am truly capable of loving another human being with as much passion and affection as the love I have for myself.
Because it was you who had opened my heart to the magic that I am.
It was you who brought me back to life, to make me realize what my life’s true purpose was. Being with you made me feel alive, because it was only through loving you that I was able to feel the pebbles crunching under my feet, to feel the warmth of the sun over my face, to see the colors of a butterfly, to smell the intoxicating rose for the first time. It was like looking at life up close.
For it was you who made me believe, really believe in me, to never give up on myself. To charge ahead and take rein of my life, to be there for someone that you love.
You once loved me, but were too scared to fall completely. You were not ready but still you tried. In spite of all the odds, you gave me the best of yourself. I understood then and I understand now. You left a good chunk of yourself with me which I will keep in my heart’s museum, so that when people look into my heart, they will know how it wants to be loved. And because I have a part of you with me, I will return over and over again to loving you.
The stuff that made you, your little quirks and weirdness, I have treasured them all in the chambers of my heart. Like a membership to the library that needs to be renewed, I will take out all this stuff every now and then to keep my memory from rusting.
I will still love you even after all these years because you still exist in me. So, if I stop loving you, the part of me that consists of you will be dead forever.
Loving you has set me free. You never demanded or forced something that I wasn’t willing to give. You never tried to stifle my individuality. There wasn’t a time when I regretted being with you or having loved you.
With you, there was never a dull moment. You were my adventure. You were an island waiting to be explored. Exploring you was like a walk in a national park. There’s always something you are looking for. Instead you come across something much more beautiful, something unexpected which fills you soul with ecstacy and amazement, all at the same time. I was lost in you the way we are in an unknown place, but in a good way.
You were a map that lead me to my destination. I traced my fingers over your soul and they settled on your heart. It felt so pure and divine that I decided to make it my home.
In the process of loving you, I got healed too.
I got rid of all the demons inside of me. Years have gone by but my love has become more strong ever since. You only lose something you ever had. Even though I lost you, it gives me comfort in the fact that I had you once by my side.
The madness that surrounds me from loving you is the only thing that keeps me from reality. I will love you even when the scars have all healed.