The Subtle Ways We Deny Ourselves What We Love (And How to Stop)


I remember a time when I was a little girl, I used to sing and dance in front of the TV without a care for who was in the room. I was having the time of my life, just singing by myself, to myself, for myself.

We all lived freely as children, and didn’t care about what other people thought. When did we stop singing and dancing whenever we want?

Do you remember a time when you knew what you loved to do and did it as often as you wanted?

I also remember a time when I used to make little clay figurines and sculptures – maybe it was an apple, an orange, or some other ordinary fruit. There was no particular reason for me to make them, except that I just loved making them. It was an expression of my love.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that “people can’t make a living by playing with clay.” So I learned to suppress my love and I learned to do without it.

Like most people, I shifted my focus to doing “rational” and “practical” things, like getting good grades in school, going to college, and getting a job. Until one day, I felt completely dead inside because I no longer knew what I loved to do. I was depressed and miserable. I searched everywhere for the answer to “What do I love?” I traveled all over the world and tried exciting new things… but they were all just temporary fixes to fill the emptiness in me.

I blamed it on society, my family, and my job.

But, who had the real power? Me. I am the only one who can deny myself of what I love.

After suppressing my love for long enough, I realized I developed these judgments over time, and also picked up other people’s judgments and claimed them as my own.

As I went on a journey to rediscover my lost loves, I kept asking the question “What makes me happy for no reason?”

Here are 2 huge judgments I realized that hold me back from what I love, and just being aware of these has set me free to go back to the basics: love.

Judgment #1 – I don’t really need it.

The first way we shut the door to something we love is by judging it as unnecessary. Love comes from the heart, and by definition, it has no reason and is never necessary. Once something becomes a need, it is no longer a love.

Our survival instincts will always tell us that our needs are more important, because without them we die. We often delay doing what we love because of what we need, or what we think we need, and end up not doing what we love at all because we ran out of time.

Do you really think you are here to live in survival mode?

Judgment #2 – I don’t really love it

The opposite judgment we may have to deny ourselves of what we love is by judging it… as not really a love. I know this sounds absurd, but think about it in your own life: it’s hard for “rational” and “logical” beings, that you may sometimes be, to follow through with something when you can’t find a reason to support it. When a love shows up and it doesn’t make any sense, the rational side of us doesn’t want to do it. The lack of reason allows us to “rationally” judge it as not something we love, so we can dismiss it.

Love doesn’t have to make sense, and it’s so simple, just do the things you love. Just do more of it when you can do it, even when it’s irrational, even when it doesn’t make sense.

Just go back to dancing and singing and playing in the dirt.

To start your own journey to feel more alive and free, click below to download the 6 simple truths you need to know to be free.