The Outlandish ‘Sober Hookup’


If you want a way to freak yourself out, try to think of the last time you soberly hooked up with someone (for the first time). I myself have not done it since my first kiss in high school. And talking with my girlfriends, I know I am not the only one. It makes me realize that brave people are those who don’t pussyfoot around when they like someone. Believe me I know all about the nerves, butterflies in the stomach, and getting all caught up in your thoughts, wondering if he really likes you enough to kiss you or not. But honestly if he is there with you, solo, hanging out, doing something that takes time away from his own day, he does like you. But even so, is that enough for you to make the first move??? For me it was not. It freaked me out, and then I realized that what would make this situation better was a stiff drink. And then thinking that freaked me out! Are we dependent on alcohol? If alcohol is my source of courage to actually make a move, you better believe the guy feels the same way too. We put so much pressure on the male to be the one to step up and lead, but it is just as much the responsibility of the woman. If we want to be treated equally and rise the the level of the male, we must realize this. We have to have the “lady-balls” to be able to kiss the person we like, in a normal situation free of drugs, alcohol, and other courage-giving substances.

This will also save us a lot of time in the life. You will very quickly be able to decide if this person is for you or not. I guaranteeeeeeee I would not have spent a year with my last boyfriend if I had kissed him while sober, instead of drunkenly making out with him on the dancefloor. When you are drunk and dancing, you are so much looser. It is a fact. Not in a slutty way, but literally your muscles are loose, you’re having a good time, and a lot of times that brings in over-confidence, which can be a great thing in the hook-up department.

I will give you another example. Last year this law school student would work out at the gym I worked at. He was cute and he would always chat me up when I would exchange his dirty towel for a clean one. He worked up the courage to ask for my number and eventually ask me out. We went on a nice, proper date. Everything was honestly great, not complaints. One day I went to his place to watch a movie. *drumroll please* because we all know watching a movie is code for seeing if a makeout sesh might happen. We laid together on the couch, he had his arm around me, the whole deal. Butterflies were in my stomach throughout the whole movie, Argo, if you must know. On second thought, those might have been caused by Ben Affleck. After the movie, I said I was tired and was going to head home. Like a gentleman, he is in Law school after all, so he has progressed a bit from these undergrad boys, but he walked me out to my car. I opened my car door, turned back to him, he touched my face with his hand and kissed me. SO FLAT. I mean nothing, no spark, no nothing. Kind of laughable really, and such a blessing. We didn’t waste all this time hanging out and waiting to see what would happen. No, he took the initiative and did what he set out to do, kiss the girl. Think what might have happened if we did not have this sober kiss though. Maybe we would get drunk one night, get extra-touchy feeley, and end up hooking up, doing more than just kissing, because we confused the tingling from a connection, with the tingling of warm alcohol in our bloodstream. Then, we might continue down this path for months because we like hooking up and think the connection might grow. And it doesn’t. Then you’re like me and my last boyfriend, dating out of convenience. OR worse, waiting and hanging with the guy for months, trying to figure out if ya’ll really like each other and thinking “oh just as soon as he kisses me it will all be good”. It may or it may not be good, but you will definitely move in one direction or the other instead of the constant cycle of unknown.

My point is, it is HARD to make a move on someone without the loving embrace of alcohol to power you though. Alcohol wipes away that thought of embarrassment. And lets face it, we all need to spend less time being embarrassed. But maybe we also need to spend more time being brave. Taking a risk is exciting and totally scary, but don’t you want to be that person who can take total control of their life in any situation they want to? I do. So I think next time I am with this new boy, I’ll take a risk. I will be the one to take the first step towards ultimately deciding if this is even going to be right or not. It doesn’t have to be a kiss just yet, but I dedicate this piece, to being my motivation to move forward.

 p.s. Law school guy and I never spoke again and it was totally cool. He knew, I knew, it was a mutual understanding that we were not going to work out. 

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