Grief is a subject we rarely touch upon. We hear of it, but we seldom venture into the depths of its entirety. Yet it is one of the most raw, intense, and acute feelings we can experience. We can never be prepared or comprehend the magnitude of this emotion and all it entails. It is a state of being that envelops you, exposing your fragility and vulnerability, and its unpredictability is exhausting. The physical ache is debilitating, suffocating. It embodies your mind, haunts your being, and drowns your soul. Everything else will become irrelevant as you sink to the floor, every sense you know of the word heartbreak seemingly inappropriate as you struggle to fathom how the world could be so cruel.
Everything else pales into insignificance and you feel weak. Emotionally, mentally, physically. You suddenly have to navigate through a life that is different to how it once was. You no longer have this someone or something that gave something to you. Joy, love, guidance. Whatever it may be, it had an impact in some way and the emptiness is telling. Your world is thrown upside down, and with no warning, you have to deal with that. This new norm. You somehow have to deal with these alien emotions while you’re plastering on a smile. The world does not stop for grief; the expectation is you keep up with the game of life, while inside, you’re plunged into a state of loss, anguish, and despair. That is the nature of life—nothing is forever, but there is no guidebook of life that can accurately lead you through this darkness. This is permanent; it will change, but it won’t go. You just have to make sense of it as you attempt to blindly adjust.
Yet grief enables you to tap into a deeper sense of emotional awareness you never knew existed. You will see the world in a different way, having gained a new perspective. It will add to your growth and although your grief will forever remain, you will navigate forward with a new consciousness. You will always have a piece of yourself missing. That doesn’t mean you are not whole, but it means you have to work harder to keep that empty space plastered with different fragments of life that keep you from crumbling. It’s okay that sometimes that plaster becomes weak, but each time, learn how to make it stronger. Everything you feel is normal, because there is no normal when it comes to grief.
We are all broken in some way. No one has it all. We all feel pain, longing, loss, emptiness, loneliness. Some are better at hiding it than others. We are all walking around wearing a mask, trying to convince those we meet of our best performance. It’s okay to not be okay. We just have to find and do what we love to make those bright days outway the bleak ones. Find your solace, because life won’t always be a walk in the park, but when it is, cherish it. Appreciate life for the ups and downs. Although you may feel in a dark space, trapped with no headlight, brighter days are coming. They could be tomorrow, next month or next year, but know that they are coming.