The 5 Things We Need To Stop Saying

4. Literally

Okay, clearly there is still going to be use for this word in polite conversation, and it’s perfectly acceptable if you are intentionally exaggerating it to emphasize how ridiculous the statement is (Adam Carolla often referring to himself as being “literally a millionaire” comes to mind). However, this word cannot just be injected into every generalization or hyperbole that you want to throw into your story to add a little zest.

“It was literally the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen.”

Really? Because you say that when the woman in front of you at Wawa is buying three boxes of tampons, there’s clearly a pretty low bar here.

“He was literally attacking me with his mouth.”

Just because a man is an over-zealous kisser does not mean he is assaulting you. Despite how hilarious someone actually attacking another person with their mouth would be (not even their teeth!) I think we can reserve “attacking” for something a little more egregious.

“I was literally dying of embarrassment.”

Interesting. Well, clearly you’ve made a drastic enough recovery to be misusing words in your dramatic stories–order is restored!

5. I’m Over It

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard some pretentious, angsty, privileged youth make reference to how “just fucking over it” they were about something, I would have hundreds of lazy, American Spirit-smoking nickels. I don’t care if you want to express the idea that you are no longer interested in or motivated by a person, situation, or idea–that’s fine. There just has to be a more eloquent way to vocalize your waning love for Portland than, “I’m just so fucking over it, man.”

There is just so much condescending snark in that one little statement, everything about it oozes superiority and privileged ennui. Perhaps you are not as enamored with this concert venue, restaurant, or neighborhood–I still am! But thanks for the grand dismissal of something I still enjoy.

Why don’t we be constructive and say what it is that has made us fall out of love with whatever thing we are now so much cooler than dealing with? Why don’t we learn from the situation instead of just giving up on it and writing it off so we can go back to our room and look for half-smoked joints? Being “over” something is just about the most arrogant way to convey your changing and evolving interests. My evil hope for the flippant people that overuse it is that one day, someone they care about, someone that they were clearly not through with, will just decide they are “over” this whole “love” thing.  How does it feel, jerk? You are so last year.