The 5 Stages Of Becoming A Skilled Coffee Drinker


1. The Newbie.

“I’ll have a dark chocolate, raspberry Mocha, light whip, with skim.” Basically what you’ll have is chocolate and sugar with a side of coffee. And I get it — this was my go-to drink when I first started embracing coffee, and I still occasionally get them if I’m craving a sugar high.

At this stage, coffee is new and somewhat intimidating. It’s bitter and dark and almost menacing to those who don’t know of its power. It needs a mask, and chocolate is the perfect contender. And after the first sip…you’re hooked. You now have no clue how you ever managed to survive without it.

2. The Creamer Crusher.

This is the trial stage. You’re pushing the envelope to see if you can survive without a barista to make your drink. You’d like to graduate from mochas and lattes, but you aren’t quite sure how until you meet creamer. Then everything begins to crystallize. You might start out with very sugary flavors, like Amaretto or Sugar Cookie. Yet by the end of the phase, you’re pretty much content with any flavor.

3. The Lorelai Gilmore.

At this point, you’ve made it to drinking regular coffee in all of its glory. There’s no judgment since you like coffee just the way it is. You could be a college student, a night worker, or a new mom. All that matters is that you can drink coffee black.

It can take months or years to ween off of the sugar and creamer. Yet when you do finally get to this stage, taste is no longer of much importance — at least not as much as obtaining coffee. Coffee is what you wake up craving, and could even be called an extension of your arm. So drink up! It’s on the house (thanks Luke).

4. The Dinner Drinker.

Some people skip this stage, but if you’re one of the ones who don’t, then you’ll inevitably be asking for coffee either during or at the end of every meal. And why not? You know you like it, so you take it black and tip it back.

These are the experienced drinkers; they know insider information about the latest French Press and the best organic coffee.

5. The Devoted Decafers.

You now see coffee as a habit, and simply drink it that way. You’re the complacent coffee drinker who sees coffee as part of a daily routine rather than a morning accomplishment. You may no longer need the caffeine, but you still love coffee. And perhaps drinking decaf defeats coffee’s whole purpose, but you don’t care. It’s the taste you can’t seem to quit. And the nostalgia.