1. “Above food pics”
Don’t get me wrong, I love looking at a good plate of food when I open my Instagram. I don’t however enjoy looking at a photo so clearly staged at a restaurant to the point where I can visually see you standing on a chair to get that oh so popular food picture angle. Not to mention the most probable embarrassment of your lunch partner who really just wants to tear into their food, but is being polite and letting you take said photo.
2. “The Same Selfie”
Same hair, same makeup, same side of your face, same location, same shit different day. We get it.
3. “Your irrelevant ‘basic’ item featuring your ‘mannequin hand'”
Just to clarify, by “mannequin hand” I mean your unnaturally posed hand that really doesn’t need to be in the picture, but you just GOTTA see those fresh gels and casual knuckle rings. As for the ‘basic’ item, I’m talking your handwritten playlist of indie songs, or birthday cake pop from Starbucks.
4. “The Juice Cleanse”
This one bothers me for so many reasons. Firstly, do you think by sharing that you are on a diet of green liquid that you paid 13$ a bottle for on Instagram is going to make you feel better because you know your followers are now feeling like shit because they aren’t on a juice cleanse? It’s working. Secondly, I’m going to avoid you like the plague this week, know why? I don’t want to be around someone who is HANGRY, and pretending not to be. Also, I don’t want to hear the “benefits” and “how good you feel!” The only “benefit” I see from your juice cleanse is more Mac and cheese for me.
5. Beer Pics (this is for the Dudes)
Odds are if you are a dude, and I’m following you on Instagram, I like you, or at least risked the rejection of the Insta-request to see pictures of your face for a quick pick me up. Come to find… You never post pictures of that money maker. GUYS: posting a picture of yourself, or even yourself with another human being does not make you any less of a man. I don’t really want to see another picture of your beer, your dog, the fish you caught today, or your car. Also, if I REALLY like you, i don’t want to have to screen shot the only picture of your face on your Instagram to send to my BFF and have her comment “wow 48 weeks ago huh?”