It hurts. In the middle of the night when the rest of the world is quiet and unaware, it destroys you. All you can hear are his words, echoing in your mind and burning on your skin. Every moment, every fight, it all came down to this and all you can wonder is why? Why do good things end?
So you blame yourself because maybe you were too much: too loud, too much trouble, too much to handle. But as soon as you start to think that – remember that he tried to make you small, he tried to make you quiet, and he tried to make you weak.
Do not feel guilty for not fitting into the role he wanted you to play.
You made waves where he made a puddle, and when it came to fighting for your love, he was nowhere to be found. Do not keep giving your love to somebody who can’t accept your power, someone who is so afraid of it that he will do anything to destroy it.
I know you think nothing compares to his touch and his love, but you were meant to start fires that he will only try to put out. Sometimes the end of the world is really just the beginning, and you have to build yourself up after he tore you down.
I think you need to thank him. Thank him for giving up on you and thank him for not giving you the world you deserve. Because sometimes it takes tragedy to see what is really supposed to happen. While your heart is aching and you can’t stop wondering if he’ll come back, you will realize that the sky seems brighter and your favorite songs sound better. You will start to appreciate all the beautiful things that are possible.
You think you’ll never move on, but remind yourself that he made it this way. He never fought to keep you, he never wanted what was best for you, and he never truly saw you. He never saw the power and fire in your eyes. He never noticed the way you danced or how much you loved to solitude of the night. You made things easy for him and he liked that. But when it came to your own hopes and needs, he wasn’t there. Do not settle for someone who doesn’t see the beauty in everything you do. Darling, you thought he was your world, but he did nothing but try to make you small.
Time goes by and you think you’re okay but you’re haunted by the idea that you may have lost your soul mate. Your mind drowns in what if’s and every possible outcome and you think maybe it’s all a mistake. Maybe if you stayed, things would get better and maybe he would realize all the wrong he has done. But this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie and you are not Rachel McAdams. This is it. This is the end. The arms that made you feel safe became the arms that held you back. You have to wake up every day and tell yourself you look good, make your own breakfast and laugh at your own jokes. Amidst all the sadness and mourning, you’ll forget that things already seem better. And while you may miss being loved, you have to understand that love usually isn’t enough. You thought his love changed your world, but it just created more problems and couldn’t solve any of them.
Do not be calm or gentle for him. I know he said he loves you, but he was only there for the good parts, the quiet and simple parts. He couldn’t handle the storm and that isn’t your fault. Stop thinking you were too hard to love, because the truth is, he just wasn’t enough.