Somewhere Out In Death Valley, I Always Knew You’ll Leave Me



I always knew you would leave.


I knew that you had a wondering soul, a nomad with a compass in one hand and a map in the other.

You never wanted someone else, didn’t need anyone you pictured your life alone just you and the road, with only your travels keeping you warm at night. That was enough for you.


I was an unforeseen event, you were not ready to be captivated by me.


I showed you something different, another trail you could walk. I put cliffs in your path and forced you to see something other than your detached way of life. I wanted to show you another way. That a life isn’t worth living without someone to share it with. That you could dive into me, and would never find the bottom of the love that I would give you, without reservations, without fear. I gave myself to you raw and undeniable.


We were in love. I know that, at least for a little while you were happy. You wanted to share a lifetime with the chaos that I am. That together we would be enough, that together we would be timeless we would become our dreams without direction and we wouldn’t be afraid of failing because together we never would.


You told me, with streams running down your face, where you are going I cannot come. You have to do this alone, because that’s what you’ve only ever been able to see. That you tried.


My world sped up and slowed within the same second. I felt apart of myself die, a sharp exploding pain in my chest that still hasn’t gone away.


Now I’m supposed to let you go, and I don’t want to. Even though it hurts at least I still have a piece of us that all that time was real. Time will pass and slowly I hope you will fade. Fade until when I think of your memory I will do so fondly with a small smile on my face instead of just breathing through the pain.


I would do this all again, without thinking twice for me you were worth everything, you always will be. But this is no longer my choice, none of it ever really was knowing that, I will walk out of this holding my head high and I will be ok.


While you’re sleeping alone, in a tent in the middle of the desert chasing those dammed dreams you had to do alone thinking that maybe those travels aren’t keeping you warm anymore and just maybe you lost something that your little map and compass will never be able to find again.