J.D Salinger once said, “I have scars on my hands from touching certain people.”
I thought to myself, how much pain must a person be in to reach such a painful epiphany? The thing that struck me was how true it was.
The scars, the wounds, that certain people in your life leave you with, the broken pieces of the walls you had built around you, now laid to waste, by them. The vulnerabilities for all the world to see. Some people love you, and then wound you, and leave you to heal yourself by yourself. When they see you’ve managed to do that, they try to come back into your life, once again, to wound you again.
The question is, how to protect oneself? How to avoid “the scars on your hands from touching certain people?”
I need you to remember, to have this fact straight in your mind: A life without pain cannot be avoided. It will be there, around the bend. But you don’t have to fear it. You need to understand it, through and through. If you’re always running from it, you’ll never understand it. You know to know what is causing it, why are you so affected by it, why do you let certain people back into your life in a second?
The answers will mainly revolve around the facts that you love them, still, without any reason, without any hope. A hopeless kind of affection that no pain can overcome. The toxic kind, in some cases. I read somewhere that our hearts don’t realize that they’re being lied to, even if our minds do. The memories of people should never be greater than their existence in reality. Never forget that people change, and some changes are not for you to accept.
Some people are like live wounds on your skin, in your skin, that never heal. Even if you remember those people for a second, the wound opens and starts bleeding, and nothing can stop it. All you can do is endure the pain until it subsides. Some wounds you live with. But they don’t have to cripple you.
Tell yourself this, logically speaking: IF you’re strong enough to live with such wounds, you’re strong to draw strength from this struggle to do what you lack the strength to pursue.
I mean, suppose you’re lacking direction, you’re lacking interest, you’re feeling restless, take this strength you know you have to find those answers.
Don’t let this pain go to waste. Don’t let it have been for naught. Pain is memory, and memories blur. Memories fade, memories can be rewritten. A taste of a memory of a memory is what remains, when all the other things fade away.
The pain fades, the anger fades, the guilt fades, the hopelessness fades, the agony fades, to a dull thud in your heart, which will ache from time to time, but if you direct the power of the emotions you’re feeling towards things you KNOW are important enough to you, you can do this. I know you can. I believe in you even if you don’t.
You owe yourself to give yourself another try, alright? You OWE it to yourself to never give up on yourself. You OWE yourself to believe that you have the power to get through this. Don’t betray yourself like this. Do not give in to anything. It’s time for you to be the person you know you are. It’s time, alright?