Each week, your questions give us hope that love is alive and well somewhere in the world! Keep on doing what y’all do — falling for people at the gym, eating your vegetables, scheming to move out of the Friendzone (ugh, the Friendzone!), lusting after the unavailable…and, of course, sending us questions!
– Steph and Lance
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Q: I have a crush on this fine lady at the gym and I think she noticed my attention because she’s also giving me this look and most of the time I come to gym she would roam around my space making me running in my own maze but my problem is that she’s married and that just sounds like disaster to me.
How do I let go or make a move if possible by any chance given?
Steph: So, this might be a long shot, but maybe she’s roaming around your space because she needs to use equipment that happens to be in the same area…I don’t know — that probably isn’t it.
At any rate, you should probably start flexing a lot when she comes around you. Assert your sexy, male dominance. Show off those sinewy, hardened biceps. Make her forget all about her husband — he’s probably a scrub, anyways.
Lance: Yeah, definitely don’t make a move. Seems like a great way to get your head bashed in prematurely. I’m all for a good head-bashing, but definitely don’t want to be remotely involved.
Maybe she’s into you in some weird married people this isn’t gonna happen, but it’s fun to fantasize about sort of way. I don’t know how that works, but it does sound like a thing that probably exists. If you want to lurk in the dangerous waters, just drop your water bottle or something. See if she picks it up in way that screams porn star audition. If she does, you’ve got your answer. Then run.
Q: I met a guy through gaming and we’ve been talking every day since the first day we met (its been two months now). He lives in Sweden and I live in the UK but leaving in a few months. We joke around like we’re husband and wife but if we talk about anything sexual to each other, he would say “Eww that’s just weird dude.” Then a week ago, I visited him for a weekend and it was fun! We slept in separate beds and he never made a move on me. I tried sleeping on his lap when we were watching a DVD but I was just too scared it’ll ruin our friendship. He now has a girl he’s interested in and when he told me about her, I was jealous of course. How do I tell him that I’m interested? Or have I been ‘friendzoned’?
Steph: A couple of things: first, most solid relationships develop out of a mutual love of gaming, so I think y’all are off to a solid start. Second, I have never tried sleeping in someone’s lap, but that sounds like an excellent play, so thanks for the tip!
But, for reals, general rule of thumb: when guys are interested in someone, they tend not to talk about other romantic options in front of that person. Sorry, boo. That isn’t to say you can’t eventually find your way out of the Friendzone but — for the time being — it might be worth your while to move towards greener pastures.
Lance: Seems like you guys have a strong #rapport, and your shared interest in gaming will ensure that you’ll be close with each other for as long as you want (you have something you can do together.)
I’d retreat slightly, let him do his thing. Don’t wait around for him, but don’t totally close off the option either. You might end up in a situation where you’re seeing someone, he isn’t, and he realizes that he actually is into you.
Q: Last summer, I was abroad and met a guy there. We kissed multiple times (really, a lot.). However, when we would be around friends, we would automatically act like nothing is going on. We never talked about it. Now that I went back home, we barely talk and when we do it is never about the kisses; like nothing ever happened. Why ? I am really confused and I don’t like reminiscing about things like this. Save me guys!!
Steph: This guy sounds like he’s either 1) awkward, 2) uncertain how to broach what happened between y’all (really, that much kissing sounds intense), or 3) trying to move past what happened. I think you should put all your cards on the table and ask him what is going on in that illustrious mind of his. If he tells you that he IS trying to pretend as though “nothing ever happened,” you know to move on with your life, as well.
Lance: Maybe he ruptured his jaw from all that kissing and needs to take a break until he’s all healed.
Could just be that he doesn’t know how to bring it up — but if he was interested, I feel like he’d arrange a time and place for more kissing. Seems like he’s making the whole thing a lot more complicated than it needs to be, so my solution would to take your clear kissing skills to another pair of lips — where they’re duly appreciated and respected.
Q: I’m torn (or as you guys might say, “Natalie Imbruglia’ed”) and am hankerin’ for some advice. I’m finishing up my sophomore year, got an internship in LA. But I’m from the Chicago area, my girlfriend and all my buddies are gonna be in Chicago, and I feel like this’ll be that memorable summer people have — the one I’d hate myself for missing. Kicker is that my girlfriend and I have been dating since high school, think if I go for the internship she’ll probably end things. I’d understand that, especially cause we’ve been dating so long, but again, I’m torn. A helping hand?
Steph: Go for the internship. Your friends will be there at the end of the summer — no amount of binge-drinking or FIFA-playing will parallel the professional exposure and growth you could experience from this opportunity. It sounds baller, by the way.
As for your girlfriend…if she’s ready to end your relationship because of distance (without even giving it a go), you’re probably better off without her. Harsh, I know. But, few college relationships last (and of those that do, even fewer are still healthy towards the end of their run), and life is long. Who knows? You might meet a beaut out in LA.
1. A+ reference.
2. That’s a real tough, grade A Sour pickle you’ve got going on. To paraphrase another great songstress of that era, it seems like you’ve got a very My body’s saying let’s go/my heart is saying no quandary.
Definitely don’t base the decision on the girlfriend, rather base it one which place you think you’ll have the “best” experience — I don’t necessarily think sticking around is a bad idea, given that your reasons for staying don’t seem to stem from being afraid of venturing outside your comfort zone. In one sense, fuck exposure and following the #path if it’s only gonna make you miserable and full of empty regret. But in another sense, the internship might just end up a lot cooler. Especially if it’s something you’re genuinely excited about and want to pursue.
There’s really no wrong decision here — just embrace whichever one you decide. Hashtag no regrets.