Screw Being Chill, Be Honest Instead

I’m surrounded by people who find a sick enjoyment in voluntarily being confused. It doesn’t sound like a fun time to me but beating around the bush and refusing to say what it is exactly we want to say is the bandwagon everyone has jumped on.

Everyone except me.

I’ve been told over and over again that my filter doesn’t existent. Somehow I’ve built up this ability to without hesitation ask a question if I want an answer and speak up if I feel it’s important. It’s something that comes so natural to me for a while I wasn’t sure if it was something I should fix or something I should embrace. The last thing I want to do is come off intimidating but I also don’t want to attract people who can’t be straight up with me either.

Dating and getting to know people is frustrating enough as it is, well for me at least. If I’m expected to become a mind reader and vice versa on top of that than I’m ready to throw in the towel right now. I don’t know where the idea came from that it’s better to hold everything in and just pray they get the picture. (Don’t even get my started on ghosting.)

We text, email etc literally all day long; these are the easiest forms of communication that exist, but when it comes to saying what we actually mean — silence.

It stresses me out when I hear people around me racking their brain trying to figure out the most nonchalant, convoluted way to try and get a real response out of someone. When all they have to do is ask a question.

I get it, it’s the easiest option, it’s what everyone else is doing and it gives us all the ability to play it cool. Like we’re somehow in control, mysterious even.

Maybe putting on the mysterious persona just isn’t my thing but I like to go after what I want. As ballsy as it sounds to my friends, moments after I do get self-conscious about it because the idea of coming off crazy is a real thing that exists. I’m supposed to sit and keep quiet because doing otherwise will deem me crazy. Just saying it sounds ridiculous.

If someone does something out of the ordinary, they’re immediately wearing this hat. That’s the disappointing part. There are times when crazy might be the right word. Let’s be honest, even I pick my battles. But we should all feel comfortable being open without being looked at like a freak of nature. It’s like everyone is trying to navigate blindly and make sure the other person is too.

Instead of being chill it instantly forces us to think our opinions aren’t valid enough for that person to hear them. It’s not often I put energy into trying to understand someone, so if I feel strongly enough about it no one should take that opportunity away from me. That I even want to say it, is all the validation needed.

As I’m getting older and learning more about what I’m looking for, there are qualities that realistically I can’t settle for. I need someone who’s not scared to be upfront, where I can be myself knowing I’m getting a side of them that’s just as genuine. Nothing makes me feel more comfortable and confident in giving someone my attention than knowing I can say how I feel and have it be accepted and understood.

That’s never been something that felt to be asking too much because at the end of the day it only make life easier for both parties involved.