Here I am, sitting amongst what I once could only dream about, feeling stuck. Feeling stuck. How does this always happen? It’s like life is one of those movable rock climbing walls where it doesn’t matter how much you climb, you’re still in the same spot as when you started. You can achieve what you dream but it’ll always result in the birth of a new dream and how freaking unfair is that?
I’ve recently been introduced to the term toxic positivity and wow was that an eye-opener. Who knew it could be toxic to be positive all the time? I thought that’s what I was supposed to strive for. Happy happy happy, no problems to see here! The struggles are just a part of the #journey. You don’t ever need to worry about me. I’m the happy go lucky funny friend.
And I wonder how to be grateful for times like these. Not grateful like, instagrammable grateful, actually grateful. Like the type of grateful where I go to sleep peacefully at night and don’t hit my snooze twenty times in the morning. That kind of grateful. The kind that doesn’t need to draw attention to itself because it’s just there. It could almost be confused for complacency.
And then I’m reminded of how many phases of life I have rushed through before. The ones where I just hold on for dear life with my teeth gritted and eyes closed just waiting for it to be over. No matter how rough these periods were, they still have a highlight reel. One that I often look back through and wish that I had embraced them a little harder. That I had appreciated the good through the bad just a little bit more. That I had realized then how unattainable perfect was, and just loved the imperfections as hard as my young heart could.
I remember how far the future stretches before me. I’m the oldest and youngest I’ll ever be, as they say. And I can feel the weight of my wisdom and the weightlessness of my temporary youth. And I know how there will always be new songs to get ready to. There’s always a new place to go. And all I can think about tonight is his familiar melodic laughter and her new and judgeless friendship and how no matter how many bills I have to pay, the days always end with a sunset and begin with a sunrise unless it’s raining. Which is a peaceful beauty on its own.
I think about the truth in all the clichés, how so many have been in my shoes before me. Well, not the exact same shoes, which is a miracle all on its own. I have my own footprints to leave to be washed away, which can be seen as sad, but at least I had the chance to play in the sand at all. This really isn’t so bad. We have our music and our good food and the fact that friendship love is so much more influential than as it is portrayed in the movies. And how romantic love is so much quieter and lovelier than these watered down overdone romantic gestures.
Reality is pretty too. It’s also ugly, but not as ugly as over-edited perfection.
Yeah, this really isn’t so bad, Is it?