You’re allowed to love someone with all your heart. You’re allowed to fall madly in love with someone and depend on them. You’re allowed to find comfort in a person and feel like you can’t live without them. You’re allowed to put aside your fears and tear down your walls to love wholly and honestly. In fact – I encourage you to do just that.
Allow yourself to love someone with every thing you’ve got, let your stomach fill with butterflies and your smile be genuine. Allow yourself to get lost in them and write their name on notebook paper surrounded by little hearts. Talk about how wonderful they are to your friends and do kind things for them because you love them more than you can fathom.
And then when they break your heart for the first time, be careful.
Be careful when they come back, when the start apologizing with word vomit. Be careful when they tell you they love you and they can’t live without you. Be careful when they make it seem like they’re the victim and make you start to feel bad for them.
Be careful because you’re giving them control over you and your heart.
You can go back, it’s your life, your heart, your decisions, but don’t allow them to keep breaking your heart. At some point enough has to be enough through all the lies, excuses and manipulation.
You can’t keep going back to them because they’re leaving you sad and disappointed. They keep breaking your heart because you keep putting it in the palm of their hands at their disposal to do what they want when they want with it.
But your heart isn’t just something you should give to people who won’t take care of it. Your heart is valuable and vulnerable. It is passionate and deep. It is filled with pieces of who you are and you shouldn’t let someone who doesn’t properly care for it destroy that for you.
Quit breaking your heart going back to them. I know it’s hard, it’s hard as hell because you try to be strong and tell yourself you don’t need them, that you’re better off without them and you know that, but every time they stroll back into your life you can’t stop yourself. You try to play hard to get, to act like you’re uninterested, like you’ve moved on but you can’t overcome their charm – it’s your weakness. You can’t get enough of them and their way with words, so you go back. You hate yourself for it, but you go back. Again and again. Telling yourself this has to be it, convincing yourself they’ve changed this time because that’s the type of lies they’re feeding you.
It’s torturous. You feel the wrath of your friends and family telling you that you should have moved on. You listen to people tell you they’re no good for you and you know they’re right, but you can’t shut your heart off from wanting them. So you just keep giving it to them with hopes that this time will be different. But it isn’t, it never is.
At some point you have to decide when enough is enough. You have to put your foot down and define your worth for yourself and make the conscious decision to be done with them and their games for good. It’s hard, it hurts and it will completely destroy you inside, but it will be better for you in the long run. It will be so much better to truly be alone than with someone who is as good for you as fire and gasoline.
It’s hard to see the restrictions they have on your life until you walk away for good, it’s hard to see how suffocating and toxic the relationship is while you’re still breathing in the fumes. It’s not until you walk away for good that you can see clearly just how bad they were for you.
It’ll be hard, but it will be worth it to free yourself from their chains.