Poems Are Where The Pain Goes


Poems are where the pain goes
I do not write poetry with a heart full of joy
I write the sorrow so that it can be kept somewhere other than my heart
I write of my pain when I am left
I write of my anger at the wrongs I see in this planet
I write of love that does not become love
but instead is flushed down the toilet
left unread
I write of loneliness
I write blind with rage
I write the justice I do not see
I write the ribs of the orange dog begging for chicken who is not fed a bone
and falls asleep hungry
the poetry that falls from these hands
is not a love story with doors being opened and first kisses that smell like expensive perfume
It is large bites of purple lips
sweat and a rage
that is found in the limbs of sex that is useless and empty
these poems rise from the trenches of despair, sorrow, heart ache, confusion, grief
and pretend to be fierce and strong
meanwhile I shiver and quake
stay awake at night
peacocking a liberation that is drowned in falsity
hopeful strength only in validation
I am not strong
I am hurt
and licking my wounds
always alone
with my pen
do not be fooled
poets are cowards who turn both strength and weakness into a dance
heart ache into independence
loneliness into courage
It’s all yellow tail feathers and lies and deceit
we are heartbroken and loveless
grasping for control over that which we can never control with our pens
and you are the puppets we pull
at the bottom of the string
how does it feel down there?
you may taste bites of my world
but I am up here weaving a story you may never see
oh yes
You are digesting regurgitated experiences
down there
so you never know
even when you think you know
you are simply knowing an experience of an experience
am I strong?
Or am I alone?
Is my sadness beautiful or is it a pain so deep you would leave if you could see?
Am I empowered or am I afraid?
Today I will let you in
I am afraid of intimacy
and I choose the ones who are empty of love
to validate the victimization of my fatherless pain
and I truly wish a knight
I truly wish to be kept
close to a heart that beats
but I fight the ones who try and love me
and chase the ones who never will
then I write pretty little poems
which are full of pain to you
and it continues.