Out Of This Big World, You Chose Me (And I Choose You Right Back)


John Green said it best, when you fall in love it happens slowly, then all at once. I’m not sure about the slowly part, but I know I’ve fallen for you all at once. With all of me and my being and my heart. I think of it almost in snapshots. A blur of memories and jokes and clips of the life we’re building together and how much they make me adore you.

I think of how I ride in the passenger seat of your truck and let you be the goofball I can never be, while you sing “House of Gold,” or dance like a fool to Blink 182, bouncing around in your seat. I think of how I sneak kisses onto your knuckles and twirl my fingers into your hair while we drive, engulfed in our own thoughts.

How all of the people and the whole world is moving around us, but it’s really just you and I, in your truck.

I think of how we just are.

I think of how you laugh like a little kid, with your head thrown back and your eyes closed and your mouth wide open like everything is funniest thing you’ve ever heard. I think of how you hate it when I say that you laugh like a child, but I think you misunderstand. I wish I found the world as entertaining as you do, that I was as bold and unafraid as you when you’re happy. I think of the way you make a joke and smile with your squinted eyes and raised eyebrows, as if accepting your own corniness and knowing it’s going to make me smile regardless.

I think of how you pull my arms around you in the night and how somehow my hand always seems to find yours. I think of how we lay together in bed, our faces inches apart, laughing about nothing in particular and everything at the same time.

You looked at me like you’d seen my light, through all my cracks and corners.

And then you asked me what I was thinking. And although the words didn’t escape my lips, I knew that there was no boy I could love more than you.

I think of how I realized you don’t need me, but that’s not as awful as it may seem. You don’t rely on others and you’re not the type to need people. But you still choose me.

You choose me every day.

And I think that may mean a whole lot more.