Nothing Terrifies Me More Than Forgetting I Love You


What if we will never see each other again? What if we forget to meet at the café on the corner of the street?

If we forget the future, we can still make it up ourselves. We can get creative and build it with our hands, just like that clay statue you were eager to make together. But what if we forget the past? What if our memories become ashes and the next time we see each other we don’t feel anything at all?

I do not want to feel nothing for you. I can’t even imagine you as a stranger. I can’t imagine walking by you indifferently. I do not want to think that we will eventually ignore each other, because there is nothing worst than ignorance. What if those precious photos are burnt in the fire, out of a burst of apathy? What will remain of us is just ash and melancholy. I do not want our love to become apathy. It cannot be. We had a magical kind of love. We were us. We were so special, so alive together. If I lose that, I die. I would die every day from the very first moment I will start to forget. I know what you are thinking and yes, I have other five hundred and seventy seven fears, but oblivion is my deepest one. Nothing like forgetting us attacks my lungs so unforgivingly.

I don’t want to forget our 24-hours escape in paradise. I don’t want to forget the pictures taken with the old disposable camera. I don’t want to forget the countless times I used to come back to your room, and the countless-and-one times you let me in. We had a reason to be so perfect at such an inconvenient time. And I do not want to let it go. I am not ready to just disregard the intensity of our short, vivid instants.

I am afraid to forget your voice and that you will forget mine.

I am afraid to forget the fervor I saw in our eyes every time we met.

I am afraid to forget our love. I am afraid to forget the pace of our love, your hands that slowly would caress my hair and the quick glances that we used to exchange only after a few hours after not seeing each other.

I am afraid to forget the comforting feeling of waking up with my body wrapped into yours.

I am afraid to forget how intimate we can get.

I am afraid of how dolorous our goodbye has been.

I am afraid to forget all our first times.

I am afraid to forget all the plans that we have, and leave them untouched.

I am afraid to lose myself as I lose memories. I don’t want to forget how you changed me. I do not want to forget how the intensity of our love made me feel alive again. I want to remember. I want to be able to recall those instants that made me fall in love even when we were gone. Even when the pain is unbearable, I want to feel you one more time.