Music Video Open Letters

To Trent Reznor with “3” billiard ball inside his mouth during “Closer”

Dear Mr. Reznor,

While that looks like a gag ball in your mouth, I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt; after all, you are a well-adjusted regular non-bondage bro, right? Yes, of course. You want to fuck me like an animal, okay. The problem is I’m trying to finish a game of 8-ball with my buddies here and, well, the game is sort of “on hold” until you give us back the 3 ball. Your whole existence is flawed, sorry man. You wanna feel me from the inside, gross. I just had two Guinnesses and a plate of curry fries, are you sure you still want to do that? My buddies and I have pretty brown insides, and I hardly think you have a PhD in Proctology. Anyways, this is how the story ends if it’s a good night: you finish shooting your indulgent surrealist video, give us back the 3 ball, and go dissect a cow or something. Then I’ll say “eight ball, corner pocket,” which is exactly what happens. Speaking of desire, I wanna feel you from the outside, like my bitch slapping palm on your face.

Seriously,
jimmychenchen