Some people may call you a holiday romance or a silly fling. To me, you’re the guy that changed everything.
I remember the mixed emotions I felt after leaving you. It was a strange combination of happiness and not-quite-elation, but also annoyance and mistaken anger. You had proven me wrong.
Against all odds, you made me understand that relationships have their benefits. I could finally see myself with someone, after being with you. My best friend was going through a traumatic break up at the time, telling me why she “loved” him and how much having him in her life meant, and I did not believe her. But three days with you – even a day with you – made me say, “Yeah I can see why this could be appealing.” I used to think pigs would fly before those words would be uttered from my mouth.
I wanted to hate you. But you made me realize what I was missing. I was perfectly content thinking the worst of today’s dating culture. I was happy believing that fuck boys ruled the world. More than that, you made me feel things that made me uncomfortable. I mean, come on, the self-declared eternally single 21-year-old suddenly started feeling something other than disdain for her dating future. Any time you were brought up or I would look back at pictures of those few days, I would smile and be genuinely happy for a few minutes. I smiled. Over a guy. I don’t do that.
You proved me so wrong. It grates on my nerves a bit, to be honest. You showed me that there are good guys left. You treated me with the respect I never thought I would get from a guy. You held doors when others would let it slam in my face. You pushed me when all I wanted to do was give up. You made me laugh when I wanted to cry. You purposely annoyed me, knowing full well it would amuse me. Most of all, you didn’t put up with my crap.
I never wanted you (or so I thought). I did not fly 10,000 miles away from everything I knew to look for some mythical love. I certainly didn’t ask for you, and yet suddenly you were there.
I have asked myself so many times why you are so significant to me. Was it just a holiday romance? Romance? Was it even classifiable as a romance? It was only 3 days. Was it the place? Australia, especially coastal Victoria, is euphoric. Was it timing? I was not in the best state of mind when we met. I was questioning every choice I had made. I was wondering if I was capable of making decisions for myself.
Is this only a thing because you came into my life when I wasn’t expecting you and you were exactly what I never knew I needed? Or was it really just because you managed to change my stance on dating? But most importantly, are you only significant because you were you and no other guy could have accomplished what you did?
Part of me knew when we parted that I would never see you again. Yet still I looked. As ridiculous as it sounds, I half expected you to be on the next tour I went on. You weren’t, and logically I knew that you wouldn’t be. And when you didn’t show up, I tried to move on. No guy compared. I didn’t cry or get upset when we parted. I smiled and knew my life had been changed forever. I knew I’d always be grateful to you. I will always smile when I think of that tour and associate you with one of the most beautiful tourist destinations in Victoria.
I hope your life is as incredible as I think it will be. I hope you beat all of your expectations for your business. I especially hope that you make it to all of the countries you still desire to visit and do all of the volunteer work you are so passionate about.
And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for thinking you were being dramatic when you said transitioning back into normal life after traveling for so long was so difficult. I have never felt as displaced as I did during the first few weeks I was back. This place does not seem like home anymore because a part of me will always be elsewhere. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you like I should have been. That was truly awful of me.
I was not your person. I was never meant to be. In all honesty, I think you meant more to me than I did to you. Which is fine. Maybe it needed to be this way. Wholeheartedly, I cannot wait for the day that you meet her, your forever person. She is one really lucky girl and if she’s smart – which I know she will be for choosing you – she’ll cherish you.