Maybe I’m Afraid To Love You


I’m sorry if all that ever gets out of my mouth is ‘I’m sorry’ every time you ask me to talk. Every time it’s my turn to say something. Every time you just want to hear me say something about anything. You want to know why I can’t or don’t say anything, here are the reasons why:

I am afraid

I’m so afraid you’ll realize you can’t love me enough cause I don’t love myself as much as I love you. I’m afraid of saying something dumb then it’ll make you think twice if you want me or not. I’m afraid to saying something that’ll just ruin your day and make you sad. Im afraid youll get tired and bored of me sooner or later then finally you’d want to end this. I’m afraid you’ll realize I’m not enough and you can find someone better than me who can talk rather than just hiding cause of fear.

I am in a blank state

I am in a blank state because whenever I hear your voice, everything just dissolves. I only hear you and nothing else. My mind closes it’s blinds and just thinks of how lucky I am to have met you. Im thinking of how badly I never want to lose you. Of how certain my feelings are even though everything else is near to impossible for us. I am in a blank state cause I feel calmness whenever I see you. I feel numb but a good kind of numb where the only feeling I have is a heart that’s beating and aching just for you.

I just want to look at you

I want to memorize every centimeter of your face. I never want to forget the face of the person who made me feel like living because I’m tired of people and everything most of the time. Who made me feel what it feels like to be loved. Who made me learn so much about people’s flaws and my own. But mostly, I just want to look at your cute face staring at nothing. With your glasses on or not, I’d still want to either play with your face, poke your nose or plant little kisses on it when you are asleep.

I just want to tease you and sometimes test you

Tease you because I’ve been missing you a lot and I just want you to keep asking me what I’m thinking even though I am in my blank state and just laughing inside. I purposely won’t say anything to make you sleepy so I could talk to my half asleep prince just cause it’s so cute. I sometimes just won’t say anything cause I want to know if you know I’m thinking of something. I want to know if you know when I’m sad even when I’m pretending to be happy. And so far you’ve succeeded which make me love you even more.

Cause I know you’re mad about something and I don’t want to add up to it

You know you’re scary when you’re mad. And you know I’m scared of you when you’re mad. So that itself explains why I don’t say anything haha. I sometimes just say chill cause I don’t know what to say. I want to calm you down but it seems like you’ll only calm down when you realize im just silently listening and then ask me if I’m scared then you’ll just laugh at me. I don’t know how is that funny when you’re angry but i don’t care as long as you’re laughing and not getting mad anymore.