Justice For Vanna White


When I’m not studying or working, I like to chill on the couch in front of the tv. I like to watch Jeopardy because I’m both 25 and 85 at the same time. I don’t really watch it to answer the questions. Believe me, if I was a contestant, I would be leaving the show with a record score of -7,000 and a chia pet as a prize. I really watch the show for Alex Trebek’s undeniable sassiness. You can tell when he is done with a contestants get-to-know-ya story.

“So, you named all of your cats after the Kardashian sisters and you are currently in the process of making your own reality show the Katashians. Okay, great…”

*Presses panic button on side of podium.

But before I got to Alex cutting people off at their knees over their sad life stories and his over-pronunciations of words like Uruguay, I decided to watch Wheel of Fortune one week. 1. I was so exhausted after that episode I knew I could not commit myself to watching anymore in the future. Someone needs to help Vanna White. She is running herself into the ground…literally. If you are not a person who consumes Metamucil, I will fill you in on the general gist of the show. There are word puzzles that have to be solved one letter at a time until someone can solve the whole thing. Every time someone says a letter, Vanna has to go and touch a screen to make it light up with the letter. I have no idea why her job is still in existence. I was parking my car in the deck at work last week and peed my pants because a truck beside me randomly started itself without anybody in the driver’s seat. After I changed my pants, the point came to me. Robots could literally go straight up transformers on us without our permission, rule over us all, and there is not a need in this world for Vanna to lightly touch a screen to make a letter appear when a truck can manage on its own. The woman cannot keep living off of kale and Greek yogurt and getting her goal of 10,000 steps done in 30 minutes. If she must keep working under these conditions, at least give her a towel and cups of Gatorade as she sprints.


An advocate for Vanna White