Some people have the gift of giving. You can give and give and never expect anything in return. You give because you want to. You give because you love. You give because you care. You give because you can. This is maybe the most beautiful gift to have, but like most beautiful things, it comes with a catch. You don’t know when to stop. And sometimes, you have to stop.
This is sometimes the case when it comes to love. You, Giver, can give so much that the room is so filled with love that you don’t see that you’re the only one filling it. It’s confusing. You feel the love. The love is there. There is so much love and so much care that you not only give love, you are in love. It is beautiful for a while, but eventually the parts of you that you silenced begin to speak up. Is anyone else giving this love?
You continue on. That voice is quiet and your love is loud. Your love is passionate. Your love is fierce. Your love outshines the voice inside that is correctly pointing out that your loud, passionate, and fierce love deserves loud, passionate, and fierce love back.
With every “I forgot” when you’ve been thinking about it all day.
With every “I’m sorry” when you know they can’t possibly understand how bad that hurt.
With every “not good enough” and every empty promise, that voice gets power.
And one day you know.
Despite all of the beauty in your heart that wants to fight for love, you know that your love is not met. You know that it deserves to be met. You know that there’s someone out there who wants to meet you. You know that there is a right thing to do. But you also know that you can love enough for the both of you. Please don’t.
There is a truth that is unknown until you’re standing on the other side of a metaphorical canyon: Giving love when love is not met is soul crushing.
Heartbreak occurs when a relationship ends. Relationships can end and you can go on, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You’ve seen it before. You’ve seen it in your life. You’ve seen it in your family. You’ve seen it in movies. You’ve seen it in books. The hero or heroine is devastated by loss of love but is okay in the end; no, better than okay! Better than ever! They survived the heartbreak, and you know that you can too.
There is something that is harder to survive: having your soul sucked out of you. Your soul is that light that shines when your heart goes dark. Your soul is that beacon that shows you there is hope when all else seems lost. Your soul is the thing that only you can break.
A fall could break your leg. A word could break your ego. A partner could break your heart. These things that are on the outside that we let in can be painful. They can cause damage. There is no damage like the damage we cause ourselves, the damage to the soul.
The soul-crushing activities are the ones that are crimes against ourselves when, no matter how loudly or how quietly, we know better. Soul crushing is giving love when that love is not given back. Soul crushing is abandoning yourself for someone else, especially when that someone else will never understand the sacrifice you made.
Your soul knows how beautiful you are. Your soul knows how much you deserve, even when the mind forgets. When you settle for less than you deserve, the only thing that is hurt is the thing that knows it doesn’t need to be hurt, because you don’t have to stay.
In every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Remember that one? They called it a law, a thing with binding force. You give by design, and so by design, you must learn to receive. You must learn that as much as you give, you deserve to receive. You must learn that by law, there is someone out there who is ready to meet you. There is someone ready to love you as much as you love back. This is the law. Your soul knows this. Your head and your heart forget.
Of all the things to compromise, your soul cannot be one. There are going to be more times that you feel alone. There are going to be more times that you feel in the dark. There are going to be more times that you feel lost. You’re going to need the light for the dark. You’re going to need the beacon when you are lost. You’re going to forget what being you means. Your soul is you, and it will speak up as long as it has a voice.
So, Giver, you have to make sure your soul has a voice. You have to stop crushing it. You have to stop pushing it down. Your soul is what will save you, because your soul is you. The real you. If you’re faced between breaking your heart and crushing your soul, if you’re faced between going against logic and following your gut, if you’re faced between anything in the world and feeding your soul, please choose your soul. Please choose you.