I know you’ve had sleepless nights, you’ve even thought of doing something stupid, and you replayed this over and over. For days, weeks, or months. It doesn’t really matter how long. What matters is that how you really feel.
It’s hard to get out of a heart break. It’s hard to get out of a scene that you play in your head to check where things went wrong. The feeling drowns you. The feeling suffocates you and you feel like the room is falling and no amount of strength could prevent this from happening.
Crumble. Allow it to take so much space in your heart. Cry. Feel every bit of pain, every bit of sadness and longing. Do not leave an empty space in your heart. This is what matters. You are not too manly or too feminine to fall apart. Be a baby if you must. Cry and long to be hugged. Long to be heard and taken cared off. You are not too old or too young to experience the pain that you are dealing with. It is what it is, normal but in an odd sort of way. Allow yourself to fall apart and be in different pieces. Because it is in these moments where you can decide to be a different version of yourself.
Stare into space. Feel numb if you must. Emptiness is good. It is in this emptiness that you find the right decision on what to put back in again. Be an empty box. A box filled with so much possibility. Staring into space could make your mind wander in spaces that you never thought existed. Allow that emptiness to swallow you in creating so much thought in your mind. If you allow this, everything else that needs to be discarded will be taken away from you.
Blame. Blame and blame until the hate is no longer there in your heart. Play the game of blaming; it is the only chance that you have to release your anger. Anger is good. Allow anger to take space in your heart and know when to eventually let is pass. Anger can take you into angles of yourself that you never knew was there. You can curse until your lungs fall out. Being angry does not qualify you as the bad person, it’s a natural reaction to the pain that you are feeling. To blame is to allow your soul to be angry. Allow yourself to blame for a certain period of time but don’t let it feed off all your energy. Remember you are trying to move forward.
Seek the company of no one. Allow yourself to ponder things on your own. Allow yourself to let no judgments cloud your thoughts. You are the master of your own mind and the only person capable of putting yourself back together. Seek to do things that you never thought you could do on your own. Bask in that feeling that you are capable of standing on your own two feet again. In doing so, try to regain that strength back of smiling again, on your small achievements and your silly ideas.
Find solitude beautiful. You have never thought of being alone until you feel that you are. It’s okay. It is beautiful to be alone. To enjoy the present moment of just being with yourself. You are trying to seek out that part of you that was lost, that part of you that was taken and you can never have again. Try new things, never seek to go back to that place where you once had memories with that person, it would make moving forward harder for you.
You are beautiful. Realize that again. Your peace depends solely on this idea that you are beautiful. You no longer need that validation from some other person. Because when the time comes that you do realize you are then it would be easier to love, to share yourself, and extend yourself to someone all over again. And it would be more wonderful. You both will be happier.