It’s Okay To Be A Total Bitch In The Bedroom


Our responses to sex and our own sexuality can, at times, be as complicated as they are mysterious.

The truth is, we don’t learn about sex in one fell swoop. Our attitudes, desires, behaviors and responses to sex are often a hodgepodge of multiple influences collaged together over time.

The traditional socialization of women as the more genteel and nurturing of the sexes, has resulted in many women feeling very conflicted about their own sexuality. Many media platforms excel at depicting the “sexually liberated” woman, as one who is aggressive, seductive, in-charge of her own sexuality and willing to claim what she needs in order to have her sexual needs fulfilled.

So the questions is, can the good-girl be “bad” without really being bad? And what happens as a result?

Many women, unable to reconcile this female “tigress” with the kinder-gentler-nurturer, feel an overpowering need to adopt a new sexual persona in their heads, in order to feel sexually gratified.

This is especially true of women who are mothers or those raised in conservative environments. But all women, regardless of what society instilled in them about sex — being the natural, sexual creatures that they are — long for great toe-curling sex.

They do so want to swing from the chandeliers, in absolute ecstasy and many are willing to surrender who they “normally” are, in order for this to happen; even if they experience some emotional conflict as a consequence.

Such women will, therefore, ask that their partners address them as “slut,” “bitch,” or “whore” during sex, because that is the persona or alter-ego within, who can orgasm and scream the house down; this is what they’ve trained their psyches to do, in order to “let themselves go” sexually. However, much of this is, solely, influenced by the reading of erotica or by the viewing of porn which, by the way, studies confirm, is a growing trend among women!

In some women’s attempts to ensure that this “wild sexual animal” doesn’t conflict with the social perceptions of what it means to portray a traditionally feminine woman, there’s an overpowering need to separate these “two” women.

This explains why the “whore” fantasy is so popular with many women and becomes an arousal, orgasm-inducing prop. Some argue there’s no harm in such a fantasy and we should allow ourselves to gravitate towards whatever brings us sexual gratification.

After all, why should a woman explore her sexuality as a good upright and moral citizen, who nonetheless deserves some good lovin’, when she can metamorphosize into something much “hotter,” and in keeping with today’s media-driven sex-industry?

I beg to differ however. While, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with using our imaginations in wholesome ways, we shouldn’t need to take on a chameleon personality — an individual who on a normal day would conflict with our true, value-system — in the name of “getting off.”

This I believe is damaging, psychologically, and spiritually. If sexually whole, we have the right to enjoy great sex that embraces our genuine personality and physical characteristics.

So whether black, white, thin, fat, blonde, brunette or afro-kinky; whether you’re a school-teacher, waitress, priest or power-broker, we should know that we’re beautiful, loved and desirable (if indeed, we are genuinely loved) and deserve a great sex life, in the context of our relationships.

Yes. It’s time that we women acknowledge that “bitches,” “whores,” and “sluts” have no monopoly on  “great sex.” In fact, often times their “fulfillment” may not last as long as their last orgasm.

A relationship of deep commitment should provide an environment for the sexually well-adjusted woman to explore her inner “tiger” without feeling that she has to give something up in the process. We women are truly multifaceted — we’re capable of all of that, and more! Just some food for thought.