It’s been three years since you left me in tears and broke my heart, but I can’t blame you for hurting me.
I just can’t. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that you can’t love me back. It’s not your fault that I misread the signs, that I misinterpreted the things you said to me. It’s not your fault that I’m having trouble loving someone because you made me so numb.
It’s not your fault that I thought that you loved me too. Do I still love you? Why am I twitching right now and in great pain while I’m thinking of you? What’s this? Is this a punishment? Punishment for what? I didn’t do anything wrong, right?
All I did was to love and care for you and it wasn’t enough to win your heart. I know I still lack the courage to even go near you. I know that, but I love you.
Now, it is hard for me to say that I love you. I don’t want to love you anymore. What is it about you? Why can’t my heart unlove you? Why? What is this?
I can’t understand everything that’s happening to me right now. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe if you gave me more time back then, maybe I would finally have the courage to talk to you personally, to go to you, but you didn’t.
You chose to stop whatever that it was that was going on between the two of us. You chose to stop and left me in tears. It’s hard for me to pretend that I’m okay with everything back then whenever I’m around you. I know that you noticed those breakdowns I had.
After all, I told you everything. I kept on opening it up to you because I didn’t have any friends to help me anymore, and I truly thought that you could. That is, until you had enough of me and chose not to talk to me anymore.
“You have had enough of the heartache,” I kept telling you. “You’ve had enough of my pain.”
And maybe you felt guilty. Maybe you felt guilty for hurting the guy whose only intention was to love you.
But don’t you worry about me when we finally get the chance to talk to each other. I’m not over you, but I can handle it. I have learned so many things and I want to thank you for those valuable lessons.
I hope that you’re safe and doing fine. Please take care of yourself. You will always have a place in my life, but please don’t come back.