I’m Always The One Before ‘The One’


You never enter a relationship thinking “this will only last a few months then we’ll move on”. You hope that he’s The One for you and that you’re The One for him.

I have never been The One. I am always the one before The One.

My first boyfriend and I were together for almost 18 months; we broke up because we wanted different things from life and I wasn’t happy to stay in a small city living an ordinary life. He later moved south and has been with his current girlfriend for a while.

I dated a man I met online for a couple of months. When it ended, he harassed me for almost 6 months (longer than we had been together!) and I had him arrested. I hear that he’s been with his girlfriend for about 2 years.

I hooked up with a guy at university. This one would never have been a Keeper, but fast-forward two years and he’s thinking of moving in with his girlfriend. He’s still a really good friend though.

It’s not that I’m a bad girlfriend and they realise that the next girlfriend is amazing in comparison. I like to think that I get them in the right emotional and mental state for commitment, but that leaves me out in the cold, with another unsuccessful relationship under my belt.

I say that like I’ve had a lot of relationships, but I’m not the relationship kind of girl. I have ridiculously high expectations of myself and everyone around me; when they don’t come close, that’s the nail in the coffin for me. Which means that my most recent relationship wasn’t a relationship at all.

I found someone who I expected nothing from, who would never love me, who I would never have to plan a future with to have it burn before my eyes.

The saboteur in me sought out an unobtainable relationship, expecting it to give me what I needed without the emotional involvement, but I still got emotionally involved. Three years after we met, I’m still pining for the relationship that never was.

In an act of self-preservation, I have now decided that a relationship will never be on the cards for me, that I will commit myself to a career and make my career The One.

A career will never promise to go to dinner with my parents then cancel to go to the pub with its friends. A career won’t keep me awake because it’s snoring. A career won’t commit to the next person because they came along at the right time.

I will never again be the one before The One.