If You Want Me At My Best, You Have To Be Able To Handle My 15 Worsts


1. When I dramatically react to something a friend or a customer said, rant about it for twenty minutes straight, and then magically get over it and forget it ever happened.

2. When I’m not in the mood for sex, and instead of letting you down gently, snap at you when you keep trying to touch me.

3. When I’m upset with you, but instead of telling you what’s wrong, I clam up and swear that I’m fine, and then proceed to give you one-word answers to everything else you ask.

4. When I get mad at you in public and (since I don’t want to argue with you around other people) I’m extra quiet and all of our friends end up realizing that something is wrong anyway.

5. When I climb on top of you and bite you and just plain annoy you, because I want more attention.

6. When I have a rough day and take it out on you, even though I know you don’t deserve it and that I’m going to end up apologizing two seconds later.

7. When I drink a little too much and can’t walk to the bathroom on my own, let alone get home on my own, so you’re forced to act like my chaperone.

8. When I’m hungover and beg you to pick up some Advil and grab me a Gatorade, because it hurts to move and I don’t want to put on clothes.

9. When I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, because I never actually think before I speak.

10. When I’m too lazy to do something that I really should do, like wash the dishes or pick my clothes off of the floor, and you end up doing it for me, because you can’t stand the mess.

11. When I get a little too competitive and turn a fun activity into a silly argument.

12. When my trust issues act up and I start asking questions about who keeps texting you and why you got home so late the night before.

13. When I want a cute Instagram photo and force you to take a million pictures in a row, until we get one where I actually look attractive.

14. When I’m on my period and turn into that cliche girl that wants a back massage one second and then doesn’t want you to touch her the next second.

15. When I steal all the blankets from you and nearly push you onto the floor, because I’ve spread myself out on the bed that we share.