If He Really Was ‘The One,’ He Wouldn’t Be Gone Right Now


Today you don’t feel like getting out of the bed. And it doesn’t look like you’ll feel like it tomorrow, or the day after. And you know what? You really won’t.

He really was The One, wasn’t he? You spent years of your life on him, all those years when other guys were hitting on you, but you were just his, because it was true love, because he was the one you were meant to be with. And now he’s gone.

And you’ve tried. You’ve tried playing hardball. You’ve begged. You’ve promised to go to the end of the world to change yourself and make everything exactly the way he would want. Just so he would come back. And your world would be the same again.

But instead here you are. In a world where getting out of bed is a task. Where the thought of moving even a millimeter without him seems like something so impossible, something you can’t imagine having ever done on your own. Alone.

And you begin to question yourself. It must’ve been something you did. Why else would he leave? You weren’t good enough. It has to be you.

And you remember all the good times. All the amazing times. Those memories etched in your brain, never to be found again. And that place where your heart is, there’s an ache, a dull heavy ache, ebbing away the last of your energy and will, making you wish everything would just stop. But your heart does the only thing it knows how—it keeps beating, dully, achingly, painfully.

But while you stay snuggled in bed, your pillow soaked with tears, just for a moment, try to reach past all those happy memories and pull out a few of those repressed ones that you refuse to remember. You know, the one where he shouted at you and said things that no amount of love can actually justify? The one where he promised to be with you forever and then walked away the next day? The one where he asked you to change but refused to do so himself? The one which you’re too embarrassed to tell even your friends about, because you know they’ll judge you for still sticking around?

There will be a day, months maybe years from now, when you’ll judge yourself for sticking around. And that will be a good day. But for that day to happen, you need to get up now, get out of bed, and go on and live your life. YOUR life. The one about YOU, without the need of another human being in it to make it good. I could say the right guy is out there and you’ll find someone else. And you probably will. But of all the things you may choose to believe in, please believe in this instead:

If he was the one, you wouldn’t have anything to hide from your friends.

If he was the one, he wouldn’t have left you here in your bed, crying and questioning yourself.

If he was the one, he’d never leave you hanging.

If he was the one, he would be here, right now, with you.

I’m not saying relationships are easy, and that you’ll meet Prince Charming who will just be so perfect in every way and that you’ll live happily ever after. You will have to work on any relationship. But just how much is something you need to decide.

I’ll end with simple words of advice given to me by a dear friend years ago, way too early for their time. If you don’t wake up every day feeling happy because of who you’re with, because of who you are, then there’s something really wrong with your relationship.

If you’re hoping to live a life with him, always with the feeling of hadness, then there’s something very wrong with the relationship.

So get up, get out of bed, and go get through the day.

It will be tough. So will tomorrow. And the day after.

But eventually it will become easy and then natural.

And you’ll look back and judge yourself for staying in bed and crying over someone who really wasn’t The One.

And you’ll laugh.

Believe me.


Your Non-Judgmental Friend.