I Want To Spend My Life Trying To Deserve You


I love the thought that just brushing your lips over mine
could wash out every name that ever lived in my tongue.
I love the thought that mine could do
the same for you but the truth is,
I am not whole enough to be able to fill your vacancy.
The truth is, you deserve greater and
so much more— and that, I am not.

You deserve a girl who won’t cry the
first time you make love to her.
You deserve someone who isn’t broken,
who isn’t tainted by past;
someone who isn’t scraped from
rough hands and calloused fingers,
someone who isn’t built of memories and nightmares,
someone who isn’t collaborated
by 11:11 wishes and crossed fingers,
someone who isn’t stitched by shipwrecks,
disasters and lightnings,
someone who isn’t made of fear,
dilemmas and insecurities,
someone who will do anything and
give everything and unfortunately,
I am not that someone.

I will tremble in your arms and no matter
how honest they are at night I will be restless and inconsolable.
When the weight of the world is too heavy,
I will collapse underneath it.
I’m not as strong as you think I am.
I sometimes struggle in keeping myself
intact and I am filled to the rim with emptiness.
You deserve so much more than what I could offer.
But I am capable of loving harder than most.
I will pour out every last fragment of myself
just to give you something to hold onto.
I may not be that ‘someone’ you deserve but
at least give me a chance to exert my best.