I want somebody to comfort me without words, someone who will shower me with affection when I wallow in the wretchedness of the world.
I want somebody who will wrap his arms around me and whisper “It’s okay. You’re all right.” in my ear, until I find myself listening to the sound of his voice, the sound of his breathing – fast and uneven – just like mine.
I want somebody who will lead me to the couch with a freshly made cup of hot cocoa, someone who will turn on the television to watch otters or pandas just so I could focus on anything else but myself.
I want somebody who will lie down on the grass with me – someone who will quote words and phrases from my treasured books, someone who will utter silly wishes on a dandelion, someone who’ll declare “race you!” in the midst of the silence, dashing off to grab seats at our favorite pizza place at the end of the street.
I want somebody who loves the sea as much as I do – someone who will hold my hand as we walk through pebbles and sand, someone who will help me build a fire by the beach to toast marshmallows, read comic books, and wait for the sun to rise.
I want somebody who will watch tragic movies with me, someone who’ll offer me a grilled cheese sandwich instead of a tissue when I start to bawl my eyes out as the protagonist jumps off a cliff with the love of his life.
I want somebody who will nudge me awake to the smell of bacon, eggs, orange juice, peanut butter-and-jelly toasts, and peaches, definitely peaches.
I want somebody who will take me on a road trip – a weekend spent listening to opera or country music while feeling the comforting gust of the wind, while gazing into the shadows of squirrels and acorns and trees.
We won’t talk about my nightmares or my worries. We’ll talk about our pets. We’ll talk about our memories. We’ll talk about our dreams, and we’ll talk about how beautiful the world actually is.
I want somebody who will kiss my forehead and dry my tears before I sleep at night – someone who will hold me close and hum my favorite songs, someone who will whisper right before the melody ends – “You will always have me.”
Because what I truly want the most is for somebody to convince me that I am alive. I am alive, and there is something right in my life despite all the wrongness that is in it.