I Want All Of You, Even The Broken Pieces


My love, thank you for finally answering the many questions my heart has been tirelessly puzzling over. It enlightened me what really was in your heart; it was more than I expected. You have so much pain, so much sadness in you, that should not have been kept secret from me.

I could answer your message and explain to you all the misunderstandings that are making you hurt, but I realized I can explain, and explain, and explain, but it won’t change a single thing if your heart is not ready to love me.

Learn from this relationship, so that your next one never has to end the same way again.

Be open, my love. You are capable of so much love to give, and I’m blessed to have crossed paths with you so I can learn the ways of love too.

You’re right, this hurdle just came all of a sudden but really, we had it coming. Now, you have all the time in the world to heal. I promise.

I won’t be there for you anymore when you’re done being messed up, because that’s not the relationship that I want. I don’t want to be the person you come back to when you’re whole again. I want to be the person who helps you be whole again. And since you’ve already made your decision not to let me, and I respect that, I know you’ll respect my decision too.

I refuse to be in a relationship where I only get the better half of you. I refuse to be in a relationship where I’m not the one who fixes you, because I want to be more than your happy ending. I want to be more than your better beginning. I want to be there in the middle of your chaos, in the midst of your heartbreak.

That’s the love that I can offer, that’s the love that you taught me, but that’s not exactly the love you need right now.

We’re quickly outgrowing each other, and there’s too much baggage embedded in you that you wouldn’t let me fix. Someday, someone else will give me the love that I crave, the love that will never give up, the love that will never ask me to leave him in his sadness and recovery.

He’ll be someone you will never be, as your next will be someone I can never be.

I cannot stress this enough and I will say it again – for the happiest years of our lives, we loved each other the way we needed to be loved. Now it’s time for someone else to love us the way we need to be loved.

I know you need time. I’m giving you that. I needed reassurance. You didn’t give me that. You didn’t want me to wait for you, to be there for you. You said you were pressured. Darling, in love, there is no pressure. I’ve explained this already, but for the last time I’ll say it again. It’s never unfair to ask someone who loves you entirely to wait for you.

The fact that you’re pressured by the thought of me holding on to my heart and keeping it for you and only you, just means you’re so damaged to the point of me not being the cure for your heartbreaks anymore.

I’m not the one you need. Not anymore.

I was your heartache, so I wanted to be your pillar too, as you were for me. I wanted to be the one to heal everything that’s hurting you, especially because I’m the cause. My love transcends all the pain, all the hurt that you have caused me. All of that amounts to nothing when I look at you and know deep in my heart that all I have is love for you.

But we’re not in the same phase, and you won’t even allow me to teach you the way you taught me. I was the one down that road before, but you never gave up on me. I gave you a chance to go through the phases of redesigning my life with me. You didn’t even give me a chance.

From this day forward, you are just a memory. A really priceless one. I’m letting you go, once and for all. I know you’ll find your cure, it’s just not me anymore. Don’t take this against me. You gave up on me first when I was clinging to you the most. I would have clung to you as long as you wanted me to, but again, you don’t. You set me free. Now I’ll be learning, slowly, step by step, how it is to be free from you indeed.