I Found Myself Again When You Left Me


I went to your Facebook page today after such a long time. About this time last year, we broke up via text messages. I hated you. I cried for a long time. I came a long way from you and so did you. Now I am grateful that you left me. I am thankful that you hurt me.

I saw you are still enjoying your single life, traveling and your books. Those are the thing that you left me for. I am happy for you. I remembered why I felt in love with you at the start. Those reasons are still there.

I found myself again when you left me. Moved on from you, I found myself with great friends, new hobbies, amazing adventures that widen my view on the world and myself. I am a better person now than I was back then. It was all because you left me so that I can go and discover the world.

I remember you smile. I saw your facebook today and that smile of yours brought me back to the first moment I met you. It was the first reason why I felt in love with you. I remember your smile when you pick me up from the airport after 2-months of long distance chatting. I remember your smile on our first vacation together. It was bright with or without me.

I remember your books. You were in love with them much more than with me. You are still in love with them now. You have your own ritual, Sunday morning breakfast then books then gym. I bet you still keep them till now. I obeyed your schedule back then. Now, my Sunday is varied. I could sleep in or went kick-boxing or rock-climbing or meeting friends.

Back then we did everything together for the most of the part. We ate together, hung out with same group of friends, slept together. We were married before we were in love. We thought we were in love and we thought it was what it meant to be in love. Neither of us understood the value of ourselves. For the most part, I didn’t understand my value. I love rock-climbing but I didn’t because you love to go to the gym. I love going out and meeting new people but I didn’t and I went to see your friends instead. My values are clearer to me now. I do what I love and I discover more about what I love. I know that you must have too.

You were my first of a lot of things. I still kept the diary of the time we together. Not because I am still in love with you but because the time we were in love was a part of my life experience. I am more open now to other experience. You are my first man. To be honest, it was not great in bed. I was inexperience, you were too. But because of that, I am more open to my sexual preference than I was before. I understand to ask for what I want.

Looking back, we were two kids trying to play house back then. Like kids, we got along quickly but not for long. We pretended to be adults. We did like each other but it wasn’t love. Or at least, it did n’t have enough time to become “love”. But like any kids, we grow up. And in the progress, we needed to hurt each other and grow independently.

Funny how, I looked at your picture now and all those feeling from the time I met you rushed back. I wanted to text you and asked you how had you been. But then followed that is the feeling from the time you left me alone. I stopped and thought to myself “Have I grown up enough?” I could only write a note then to tell myself and god to tell him how grateful I am that you left me. I am happy that you are still chasing your dream life. Lastly, I want to let you know that I am fine.