I Found My Sister’s Diary After She Disappeared
What about the woman I bought you from, were you friends?
She did not want to.
I wanted to ask what she meant, but instead ”Wait,” I said aloud, “if you are me, how are you…you?”
I am whoever I need to be.
What do you really look like?
Whoever looks at me.
She told me what her world was like; no suffering, no need to work, no emotionally neglectful parents, no short boys who would reject me, no anything bad. It sounded too good to be true, even if there wasn’t any music.
I don’t know if she knows what I write about. We don’t talk about it. I know she knows that I have explained her as best I can, or as much as she lets me, but I don’t know. I understand that she doesn’t want to be misunderstood, she doesn’t want anyone ruining the connection that we share. I have tried to explain that Stephanie is open-minded, but I think the Other Me was too jealous. She said I should “get rid” of my sister. She allowed me to understand what that meant. I said no, firmly.
I’ve already pushed her away.
She is always interrupting us.
I ignore her. I did what you said to do to scare her away.
It’s not enough.
We agreed that the police couldn’t be involved ever again. That would risk our whole friendship. If they put me in a psych ward or something, I wouldn’t be allowed to have any personal belongings. Other Me and I would be separated. That thought makes me feel sick, it really does.
Can I live with you? I was bold enough to ask last night.
So it’s arranged. I know what I have to do. I’m nervous, but life will be better.
What will I do when I get there?
My reflection smiled at me. I like when she smiles.
-You will make friends with the lonely, convince them to live a happy life here with us. It is better here, but it is not for everyone. You are strong enough. You could convince a lot of people. Don’t you want more friends?
I always thought I was emotionally weak. My best friend, the Other Me, made me feel better about myself. I wanted to live somewhere where people knew and understood and loved me. I do love Stephanie, but she has to accept me because I’m her sister. She was good to me, but the Other Me really gets me because she IS me! She is my real sister. I’ll do whatever I have to do fit into her world. I get so excited thinking about the wonderful conversations I could have with the Other Me, with all of our other new friends. Finally, I will fit in somewhere.
January 17 because I still have that habit, but FUCK calendars! “Dates do not matter in Eternity!” !!!
Other Me says dying is easy, and I will be with her so quickly and I will forget everything bad that EVER happened to me.
It’s settled! I’m going tonight!