Every time the thought tiptoes across my mind an internal debate breaks out — one side defending the point, the other arguing selfishness: I don’t want to fight for you, whoever you are or wherever you may be.
I’ll fight for you if I have to — in times of sickness, or despair, or injury, or anything else that is out of my hands — but I don’t want to fight for you if I don’t have to.
I’d rather fight with you.
Contrary to what everyone tells me, I don’t think you will miraculously come into my life one day and all will make sense in the world. I don’t expect it to be easy, but I also don’t plan to unnecessarily bend over backwards for trivial matters.
All relationships are work and all will be stressful at times, but I don’t plan to exhaust energy when we’re the ones creating the work or the stress. There are certain events that will occur in our life that are beyond our control, and I plan to reserve my time and strength for when we have to face them together.
The loss of a job or a loved one, an unplanned expense — any of these are more than enough of a reason to fight and claw with you to overcome whatever obstacle is in front of us. I will fight with you then, and always, to pass the storm together. I think any successful couple would agree that their spouse would do the same.
But I don’t want to fight for you.
I don’t want to have to reel you back in because you’re drifting away from me and I can’t figure out the cause or solution. I don’t want to have to prove my love to you because even if you’re the most insecure woman in the world, there won’t be a doubt in the world that everyone around us will know how much I care for you and that you’re the only woman in my life.
Maybe it is selfish, but I at least want the basics to come easily: boy meets girl, girl meets boy; boy likes girl, girl likes boy; boy asks girl out, girls accepts boy’s request; boy and girl live happily ever after. I honestly don’t think any of those are lofty hopes or expectations.
Is it too much to ask for mutual attraction, and not a, “Yeah, I asked her out for years until she finally gave me a chance,” story? Sure, that’s poetic, but that’s not the fairytale I want.
I don’t want to have to “win you over” as if you’re a prize; I just want to have you, with no games, strings, or fine print attached.
I would want to tell our kids about how the two of us knew we were a perfect match for one another, not how daddy wore down mommy until she eventually gave him a pity date.
Is it too much to ask for mutual desire and intent? I don’t want to chase you just because you feel that your worth will depreciate if you don’t make it a challenge. We complicate too many things in our life, and I’m just as guilty as anyone, but I don’t see what has to be complicated about me wanting you, you wanting me, and both of us being cognizant to acknowledge it.
I don’t want to fight for you. I’d much rather fight with you.