Ever since Day 1, I thought about how you were doing, what happened to us, what is waiting for us, or if we will ever be part of each other’s lives again. It pains me to remember how much we tried, but failed. But now I have to go on since the world won’t stop nor slow down for me. I don’t know how I’ll ever catch up.
But I am. Well I’m trying to. I’m trying so hard to pull myself together from being wrecked into tiny pieces. I’m really trying but everything just reminds me of you. It’s so difficult to forget someone who has been around for quite a long time. You came in the picture when I was in the midst of experiencing a lot of milestones in my life. Prom, graduation ball, graduation, out of town vacations, and even during my legalization, you were there.
Now how will I remember all those without remembering you?
We fought hard but reality slapped us harder. Way too hard, I can say. We got tired; you got tired of trying, and I got tired of understanding. Well that’s what I told you. How would’ve that worked out, right?
But the truth is, I will never get fully tired of you. I never stopped choosing you everyday and I will never get tired of the person who made me believe in the love that I thought would last.
That night, I had no choice but to finally set you free. It wasn’t like we never saw this coming because sooner or later, you finally had to speak your mind. I noticed that you weren’t yourself anymore when you were around me. It was like something was always bugging you and I knew that it was not good. I tried to ignore it because I wasn’t ready to let you go just yet and I know that the hardest part of our relationship is when I needed to stop fighting for you.
I lost you, the person that made me feel like I’m home in his arms. And I guess that’s what hurts the most. The agony of longing to feel home again.
It was one hell of a ride and I don’t regret a single day of loving you with all that I am because I always believed that you were and still are deserving of it. I never thought otherwise.
So now, how long will I be in this state? How long until the day comes when I finally forget you? I don’t know. Days, weeks, months, or frankly, maybe years. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to last since I would like to believe that you’re my greatest love yet.
And perhaps, I don’t know how I’ll be able to believe in love again.