How All Of My Past Loves Lead Me To You: A Poem


I once dated a brooding recluse
— sometimes grumpy, rarely sweet, always brilliant.
He managed to look delectably disheveled
For all of our times together,
I did not question it.
That veil of mystery around him was like fodder
To the lust in my veins.
But all he could offer
Were luscious silences,
Quiet nights in,
Tangy mood swings as unpredictable as sin.
He cried when I left.
He rampaged and cursed.
Oh, such hard work to keep up with his outbursts!

Let me set the scene.
I was sixteen.
A college freshman,
A martyr,
An idealist,
A hopeless romantic,
And oh, so, so stupid.
I met a boy
Notorious for his philandering ways,
And probably slept on a bed with posts
Ridden with notches to boot.
Girls here and there,
Left and right,
From across the pond to lands far,
Far away.
Needless to say,
His clandestine encounters
Kept me up at night.
Sure, his folks raised him to be charming
But they forgot to teach him how to love.

And then I loved a square.
Two eager kids,
We started off.
My world revolved around him,
But his mind was some place else.
I never really saw how small the Earth became
As friends began to drift away;
As my reflection in the mirror turned its back on me.
I clung to every thread
Lest I would fall apart.
I treated him like crutches
Even though my legs were perfectly fine.
My mind went blank as walls caved in
On a bond that was once so strong.
Oh, how I felt alone!
I let him go
So I could grow.
He was no longer what I needed.
I grew up too fast,
He grew up too slow
That’s why I had to go.

After him was a string of flings
Each one a lesson to learn.

One was nice,
But never had the time
For me and all my demons.

Another came over
Brought all his luggage,
Spent the night but never came through.
He had another,
Still hopeful to see her.
With that, I said, Adieu!

The next guy was quite a masterpiece
— his ways were as appalling as Trump.
I was just about to seal the deal
When he decided to conquer other shores.
Oh, woe is me!
How did I not see?
He was as rotten as they come!

But fuck that, no matter!
I found another.
Ha! Ha! Ten points for me!
But sadly, M’Lady,
this buffoon dumped me.
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Fuck you!

Well, that escalated quickly!
Pardon the language,
That man was a savage.
Most certainly does not know a good thing when he sees it.

Enough with the tomfoolery.
Back to earnestness, shall we?


A year and a half later,
I met this tall drink of water.
My, my, how delicious he looked!
He quenched the drought
And got rid of the sad pout
I wore all of the damn time.
But his hag of an ex had the gall to get in between us.
I can’t even!
I simply cannot!
Turned out his constitution
Counted for nothing,
That prick!
Tsk, tsk!
What a gorgeous waste of space.
The little hoe won,
She ruined all the fun,
And I was left to pick up the pieces

Two years later, it seemed
— the year was 2014,
Two days before Valentines day.
My phone got a text,
“Hi” was all it said.
I was there, like,
A two-letter word, you piece of shit!?
I was having none of it!
By George!
I was simply perplexed!
Surely, I was worth more.
I left it alone.
I let go of my phone.
I had better things to do than respond.
Another text came,
He probably felt ashamed,
And mustered up the courage to tell me his name.
He turned out to be swell,
And the dude was hot as hell!
Bonus points!
I die.

He asked me out on a date,
We hit it off right then and there.
Love felt once again fair.
Fast forward today,
I type this poem as he lay
Beside me like the angel from the heavens
He is.

Well, waddya know?
You’ve come to the end of the show, err, poem, I mean.
Lovers, rejoice!
Singles, don’t fret!
Here, here
— there’s still one prince left.